One comment that makes me cringe is when someone tells me, “I’ve tried but I just can’t sit still and relax.” The modern world is such that if something doesn’t change quickly, we’ve been taught there’s something wrong with us. When it comes to relaxing, we’ve been taught to pop a pill, ‘unwind’ with alcohol or marijuana, or zone out to some screen for that ‘quick-fix.’ All of that is just fake though because it doesn’t last, it doesn’t happen from within, and it ends up causing the mind to be more restless. The truth is a calm mind doesn’t happen overnight.

THE MIND

The mind’s job is to think. You’ve been spending decades allowing your mind to dart from one topic to another like a ping pong. Add on top of that processed, sugary foods and caffeine to rev up the nervous system and our hand-held, portable information machines to give us all the data our heart desires…

The mind is on thinking overload. It has been trained to think, think, think. Then, when it’s time to go to bed, it keeps on thinking like a treadmill that can’t be shut off.

In order to calm and ground a mind like this, it has to be untrained and retrained. It doesn’t happen in one month.

A CALM MIND DOESN’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT

Here’s an example that comes from substance abuse recovery. The clients I’ve worked with around sobriety have consistently told me that after 2 years of being sober, they finally feel clear-headed. After decades of drinking, it can take up to two years for the mind to feel ‘clear.’ That’s 2 years without substances.

To find that calm, peaceful mindstate that isn’t induced by a chemical you’re putting into your body, it will take time and practice. I’m not telling you this to be a downer. I’m telling you this to help change expectations and the way you think about creating the life you want to live. The good news is although it does take time, by starting a consistent practice, you can start to see changes within a few weeks. 

Tell me, why do you want a more calm mind?

I know I wanted a more calm mind because

• I was tired of being revved up and then crashing with physical exhaustion.
• The other up and down was my mind, going from excessive worry to numbing depression.
• The drama! My reactions to situations, ugh! I felt embarrassed after some of the things I said and did. It wasn’t how I wanted to show up in life.
• Sleep was an issue. For me it was waking up, unable to go back to sleep.
• I was so good at thinking and taking care of everyone else because of the worry that I had nothing left for me.

Maybe some of these are the things you’ve experienced. Maybe you have many other reasons that are on your list.

3 CONCEPTS TO START THE PROCESS

When I finally accepted that working towards a more calm and peaceful mind was a process, everything changed for me. The path for my process has been through traditional Yoga. Changing the way I live, my perceptions, and how I value myself. This didn’t happen overnight and I’m still in the process but I’m living a life filled with joy, gratitude, and compassion because of this process.

The first 3 concepts to start living by are:

1. Conscious change is a process.
2. I am 100% responsible for your life.
3. Small adjustments turn into big changes.

100% RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LIFE

The first concept, ‘conscious change is a process’,  I’ve already covered.

‘I am 100% responsible for my life’ was the biggest learning for me from my first Yoga Teacher Training with my dear teacher, Prasad Rangnekar.  It wasn’t just a teacher training, it was also a self-development training since that is what Yoga traditionally is all about. When I heard him say this statement, a light bulb went off in my head. I realized that most of my life drama was around blaming others and not taking responsibility for my part.

The power in really grasping this concept is HUGE! If I had to define the word empowerment, it would be “taking responsibility for what you can control.” Take the next year to practice this statement and it will be transformational, guaranteed.

SMALL ADJUSTMENTS

If you got into a boat in California, set a course and then put the boat on autopilot, you’d end up in one place on the other side of the Pacific. If you changed that course a week into your journey by 1 degree, you would end up at a completely different location, far from that original destination. Small adjustments make big changes.

Some of you have probably read Dan Harris’ book, “10 Percent Happier” or subscribe to his app. The premise is that meditation doesn’t have to change your life but if it can help improve your life by 10%, isn’t it worth doing? I just love this way of putting it. Instead of being in a black and white, all or nothing mindset, if a conscious change action can make life a bit better, then it’s worth continuing. We don’t need to be on cloud nine, we just need to make incremental changes towards finding our True Nature.

LASTING CHANGES

In the long run, creating small changes in habits can create mindset shifts and ultimately affect our decisions for how we live our life. These small changes ripple out, influencing many things in our lives we could have never imagined. In fact, taking my first Yoga Teacher Training was the catalyst to eventually starting Samya Yoga Healing. I would have never predicted that!

The Bhagavad Gita, several times, states that however small an action a person takes in the pursuit of calming the mind and connection to pure consciousness, eventually it will happen. We are all here, living, being supported by the universe to live fully as who we are. It is a process that we can’t force or make happen in a timeline that we see fit.

All you can do is what you can control – keep practicing a few concepts over a long period of time. They will lead you to a more calm mind.

Namaste.

If you’re ready to dive deep into these 3 concepts of creating lasting change, have tried other things that haven’t worked and are feeling lost or stuck amidst midlife relationship changes, consider checking out my 3-Step framework in this free masterclass – The Find Calm Formula™. Get it here.