There’s a misbelief that a calm mind means the mind will stop thinking. The mind’s purpose is to think. Expecting it to all of a sudden stop thinking is unrealistic. The key to creating a more calm and steady mind isn’t about having a blank mind. It’s a process of refining the mind over time. Traditional Yoga gives a 3-fold practice to help with this process: Awareness, Discernment, and Let Go.  These practices are ones that you can integrate into your daily life without having to find more time or add another activity. A calm steady mind is a way of life.

I’m pretty sure that I came into this world with an active, worried mind from the get-go. For as long as I can remember, my little mind liked to overthink and worry. From what I would wear the next day and what my friends would think to how I affected others and the suffering of humans around the globe. Man did I carry the weight of the world. My mind was so far from calm! (Maybe you can relate)?

START OF MY CALM STEADY MIND JOURNEY

It was pretty amazing that in 3rd grade, I reached a point where I was so sick and tired of not doing the things my heart desired because of the fear and worry my mind worked itself into.  I decided at the young age of 9 I was going to change. I didn’t know how, but I was going to do it.

Looking around, I saw people who seemed confident and made life look easy. So, I tried to imitate them. I started to put myself out there despite the fear and push myself. I was naturally athletic, so I focused my efforts there. Sports became a place where I could relax more and have fun. 

By the time I went to college, most people had no clue the effort it took for me to override my mind. I remember many times that friends were surprised to hear that I struggled with anxiety and depression because I had gotten so good at putting on this image of an outgoing person.

Whew, it was exhausting. Outside I seemed calm but my mind was anything but calm! I began to notice in some of my relationships how I would take out the energy that had pent up inside on those I cared about the most. Then I’d feel guilty and beat myself up for it. 

Up and down, up and down on an emotional rollercoaster and  I couldn’t seem to find my way off. 

THE GAME CHANGER WAS YOGA

There were definitely turning points in my life that led me to keep searching for a different way to manage my mind and emotions. I’d find something that would be helpful and then for whatever reason, I wouldn’t be able to do it for a bit and I’d fall right back into old patterns.

It wasn’t until I committed to being a Yoga student and teacher that I started to figure out what really needed to happen in order to create a more calm and steady mind. By Yoga, I mean Traditional Yoga with a goal of Self-Realization – a spiritual path.

This is when I discovered the power of self-awareness and taking that knowledge to refine and transform my mind. 

It’s a funny thing. We all know that if you break a bone, you have to address the bone so it will heal. But, when it comes to the mind, we are taught to look and search for an answer everywhere else but addressing the mind. I mean actually getting to know it and working with it.

Instead, we avoid, escape, and try to find the quickest way out of feeling emotional ‘pain’ as possible. We are taught to ignore emotions, focus on others, and place more importance on our thoughts. All these behaviors just keep a calm, steady mind – the very thing we are trying to achieve – further from reach.

Are you ready to do it differently?

AWARENESS

By awareness, I mean practice becoming aware of yourself – thoughts, feelings, body sensations, behaviors.  If you want your mind to be calm and steady, you have to explore the mind and learn what the obstacles are for your mind. And I guarantee they truly have nothing to do with where you live, what others are doing to you and life situations. It has everything to do with how the mind is perceiving and dealing with things…what you’ve learned to do in your life.

Awareness is the first step but that’s not where things stop. Awareness is a process of gathering data. Once you have enough data, you need to decide what you want to do with that data. The issue for many of us is that we actually have too much data.

DISCERNMENT

A strong belief in the modern world is that data is going to save us, so we keep reaching for more. We keep consuming news, books, apps, podcasts, social media to the point that it overwhelms our nervous system. The ironic thing is the mind does this trying to help the nervous system feel safe and secure only it does the opposite.

With discernment (viveka), there are a couple of ways to practice this. First, begin to discern what data you need to consume that will help you move towards a calm and steady mind state. Second, learn to discern what data to hold onto and what data doesn’t deserve your intention.

As an example, let’s look at news consumption. How much is too much? Start becoming aware of your mind and body reactions as you read or see the news.  Some women I’ve worked with have realized that watching news is not healthy for their nervous system or in finding a calm, steady mind. Reading news means they have more control over what they consume and when to stop. Words have less of an emergency stress response than images.

LET GO

This leads to letting go (vairagya). In this example, these women have had to let go of the action of watching news. Some found it easy. For others it was harder because it was how they spent time with their partners or they found themselves clicking on a video without even thinking about it. With time and practice, they were able to change this lifestyle habit. Many reported they could feel in their bodies and mind the huge difference it made.

Just by becoming aware, discerning, and letting go these women found a little more calm and steadiness in their minds. By doing this, it also helped them broaden their awareness and notice other areas in their life where they could make small changes towards the relaxed mind state the desired..

I have seen these three practices create more lasting change in my life and in the lives of women than any book, app, medication, or talk therapy session. (And remember, I’ve worked in the mental health field for over 20 years). Learn to work with your mind to refine it and transform it. It’s not easy or a quick-fix, but it allows you to have the freedom to become who you truly are. 

I know for me, it has been completely worth all the time, money, and effort I’ve invested in myself. I would definitely still be searching if I didn’t start committing to one path.

“Yesterday I was clever so I tried to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” – Rumi

Namaste.

PS. I know it’s taken me years to become proficient at Awareness, Discernment, and Letting Go. I don’t want you to have to! If you are ready now to take responsibility and invest in yourself, I’d love to chat about how I can help. The first step is to watch my free masterclass – The Find Calm Formula™. The second step is to book a free Clarity Call. Can’t wait to hear from you!