Self-awareness is an important tool in regulating emotions, creating lasting change in our lives, and on the journey of any spiritual path. I see it as a first step and I teach everyone I work with how to do it, as well as what to do with the information that is collected. I use it every day. It is one of the 8-components in my model for regulating emotions effectively: STAY CALM.
I just came across an excellent TedTalk with Dr. Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist and researcher, on self-awareness. Her research showed that while 90% of people THINK they are self-aware, only about 10-15% actually are. Huh. Interesting.
She and her research team have identified that what we may think self-awareness is, actually is incorrect. She defines self awareness as “the ability to see ourselves clearly, to understand who we are, how others see us and how we fit into the world.” Yet 80% of people who think they are doing it, aren’t. So what does this self-awareness look like?
After watching her TedTalk, I summarized it into Lack versus Abundance.
BE ATTENTIVE TO LACK VS ABUNDANCE
When we are truly self-aware and using the data we gather to grow and learn, it leads to expansion, interconnectedness, empowerment, and seeing the big picture. Abundance.
When we notice something in ourselves, like a thought, emotion, or body sensation, but then go into self-judgment, self-doubt, self-blame or blaming others. This isn’t self-awareness. Or if we immediately go into avoiding and escaping we are also not self-aware. This is Lack.
Dr. Eurich mentions a simple practice of “Why” questions versus “What” Questions. When we start with “Why,” it is usually to try to find certainty. It can be associated with trying to be in control and feel safe and secure. It can lead to frustration and getting bogged down in an outcome that we may never truly know “why.”
“What” questions can lead to what is in our control, taking action and responsibility, accepting the present, and an attitude of curiosity.
MINDFUL OF ‘WHY’ VS ‘WHAT’
“Why did this happen?” or “What can I learn from this?”
“Why do I always do this?” or “What does this pattern do for me and do I want to continue it?
“Why doesn’t anyone listen to me?” or “What keeps me from feeling heard?”
“Why does everyone tell me what to do?” or “What is important to me?
Do these statements feel different to you? What makes them feel different? (Yep, another ‘what’ question).
It’s not to say that ‘Why’ questions are ‘bad’ and ‘What’ questions are ‘good.’ If we didn’t ask ‘why,’ we wouldn’t have some of the amazing discoveries that have happened in history. Yet, when applying it to ourselves, we can end up getting caught up in an intellectual battle that keeps us from experiencing life and actually disconnects us from ourselves. Self-awareness is all about self-connection and strengthening our relationship with ourselves.
If you find yourself in a more negative relationship towards yourself, it just might be that cultivating self-awareness is what you need practice in order to change this. Something as simple as “what” versus “why” when it comes to ourselves could be an interesting place to start. Try it. See what you notice.
If you know you’re READY TO CHANGE and start developing more self-awareness so you can strengthen your relationship with yourself, then I INVITE YOU to join me September 19th-23rd, 2021 at Joyful Journey Hot Springs for a 5-Day Retreat that’s all about it. “SAY ‘YES’ TO YOURSELF! Learn to Tools to Create a Balanced, Confident, and Joyful Life.