There’s been an interesting reaction happening in my mind and body the past month. The observation comes from being in the US after living in South Korea the past two years. I’ve noticed an increase in thoughts around desires. Specifically, the urge to buy stuff I don’t need. Unchecked desire is named as one of the root causes of an anger reaction in one of Yoga’s well-known texts, the Bhagavad Gita. Anger is a common outcome when a desire, urge, or want of something is unfulfilled.

EMERGING DESIRES

For two years, I’ve been surrounded by the Korean script, called Hangul. Though I can read the letters (very slowly and inefficiently), I typically have no idea what most words mean. So my brain, which was conditioned to be a consumer as most American minds are, stopped getting fired up when around shops and stores. I noticed a significant drop in desires to buy things because I was around advertising my mind couldn’t understand.

It’s been quite nice to have less advertising inundating my consciousness for two years!

As time came closer for me to fly back to the US to visit, I had a list of some of the items I wanted to buy to sustain me for another year abroad. Generally, having a list helps me to focus my mind on the clarity of what I need. I go into a store with my list and just focus on those items.  

With two years spent being ‘under-stimulated’ by lack of marketing, it’s been fascinating to observe the reaction of desire in my mind and body now that I can understand what I’m reading again.

Walking into Costco, going to an outlet store complex, and perusing a huge grocery store all gave ample opportunity to tantalize and hook my mind.

“Oooo…that looks cool.”

“What’s that?!”

“Hmmmm, that would be great to have.”

 My heart rate went up, my body temperature increased, and my mind started imagining how I might use something I didn’t even know existed seconds before. It’s fascinating to see how quickly this process happens!

I have to admit, I succumbed to some of those fantasies and justifications. Why not grab two more t-shirts since it was ‘Buy 1, Get 2 Free’ when I didn’t really need them.  They are free after all! Or seeing a cute vest that would be perfect for fall and it’s on sale!

ANGER COMES FROM UNCHEKED DESIRES

After that initial inundation of stimulation to my mind, my powers of discernment came back more skillfully so I could pause and explore the truth of the desires showing up. I’m sure getting over jetlag helped with this too!

I’m grateful for the two year ‘hiatus’ that living abroad gave me to take a break from the pattern of instant shopping. Living in a significantly smaller space and having an intention to return back to the US with the same amount of items (or less) gave me practice for self-awareness and discernment around everything I’ve purchased. 

Returning to the tornado of shiny new things being marketed as what-you-need for peace and happiness, I can tell you that it’s not easy to create space between the urge of desires and getting honest about actual needs. I think of the young child who sees a toy or candy that their mind attaches to, immediately grabbing for it. Then the parent, trying to reason with this strong desire is met with an angry meltdown tantrum. 

How many times do we, as adults, have angry meltdown tantrums when we don’t get what we desire?

Now, we might not throw ourselves on the floor, kicking and screaming. But, we yell, name-call, point fingers, blame, give the silent treatment, and justify it all as being ‘right’ or ‘justified.’ All this happens because we have an attachment or desire to an object…and even more common, a thought, idea, or belief.

DISRUPTION IN PLANS

When Greg arrived from South Korea last week, we came up with a general game plan for the next couple of weeks – where we would go, who we would see, and what we would do. Four days later he tested positive for COVID. I know he was bummed. His mind first tried to hold onto our plans. He rested all day but woke up still not feeling well. Slowly, he accepted the reality that he had to let go of some plans to focus on taking care of himself.

He went from “I should be better in a couple days” to “I need to rest now so this won’t last longer and I don’t get others sick.”

On my part, I’ve been practicing for years now to let go of plans I’ve made. I used to be a super planner, having every weekend for the summer planned out by springtime. Or having the details of a vacation nailed down months ahead of time. And then when life happened and things didn’t go as I planned, I had a hard time shifting. 

My old friend, the planner, started to jump into action when Greg tested positive for COVID. I took a breath and reminded myself this wasn’t an emergency situation, no need to make this a bigger deal than it is, and just take things one day at a time. It was, of course, a let down to have to cancel some of the plans, but it opened up time to relax and rest. This was something both of us can always do more!

I shifted into a ‘one day at a time’ attitude, allowing my mind to be more in the present. This, in turn, created a more calm mind. Solidifying that, indeed, a calm mind is one that rests more in the present.

CHAIN OF ANGER

In the Bhagavad Gita (2.62-63), the chain of unchecked desires goes like this:

Sensory stimulation → Attachment to an object → Desires → Anger from unmet or loss of desire→ Loss of memory (of values) → Delusion → Self-destruction

Take a look at this domino effect. Does this make sense to you? Can you see this pattern happening in your life? Where in it can you do something differently and shift the trajectory of the pattern?

I look at this cause and effect chain and accept that, where I’m currently at in life – there will be sensory stimulation and I will have attachment to some objects. Also, some reactions out of desire can come on quickly. 

But, with practice and time, these desires can decrease. In fact, you’ve probably experienced this in your life. With age, desires for a coveted toy goes away. When a relationship fizzles out there’s no longer a desire to be with that person. A food you enjoyed that made you sick no longer creates craving in your body.

As I experienced over the past two years, there may be lulls in desires. And then with the right sensory experience, desires can get stimulated again. Dealing with them in this state – as they happen – will decrease the likelihood they develop into anger. The most effective way is through inner awareness and inner exploration.

2 STEP PRACTICE WITH DESIRES

The two practices are:

1.Explore what you feel in your body, what emotions show up, and what thoughts come up when you experience desires.

2.When you have a reaction (any reaction), stop and observe it.

Our everyday life is filled with many opportunities to practice these two actions. You don’t have to find more time or add another activity to your day. You just have to start using your daily experiences as practice to do it differently by shifting your perception.

A helpful perception shift: Life is happening for you, not to you.

For further exploration about desires, check out this blog post: Are Desires Keeping You Stuck?

Shanti.

P.S. If you want to know more about how to implement these two practices into your daily life, let’s chat! Feel free to contact me or schedule a Connection Call with me at any time.