As I was putting up holiday decorations this past weekend and transformed my refrigerator, I started smiling. My refrigerator has its seasonal identity now! This made me think of the Kleshas, the obstacles that keep us from connecting with True Self, that are named in Patanjali Yoga Sutras (PYS). Specifically, I thought of Asmita or identity. What PYS says about identity is we are all living from mistaken identity. Because of this, we have so much drama and suffering happening in our lives. If we can start to realize that we are not the roles and identities of our lives, we can move towards the calm and peace that we all desire!

WHERE DO IDENTITIES START FORMING?

I want to take a moment to reflect on the roles and identities that come to us from the very start of our life. We are, in a sense, a blank slate as we come into this world. Immediately, our parents start to create our identity by naming us, identifying gender, describing us to others.  They even imprint some of their identity on us as they see parts of us that are similar to them. “Oh, her eyes are just like yours!” “His nose looks just like my father’s!”

This is all completely normal. It happens to us and we’ve done it to others. It’s a part of being human and creating bonds. Those attachments are necessary for bonding, so that, even when a baby is screaming and pooping all over, it’ll still be cared for and loved.

IDENTITIES AND ROLES CHANGE

As we grow older, we might start to rebel against some of those identities and roles. This happens especially in adolescence. It is a normal part of starting to separate from parents and finding our own sense of self.’ For some, this can be a highly tumultuous time trying to detach from and change identity. 

MEET ‘FRIDGE’

Coming back to my refrigerator, I let my mind imagine what asmitas or identities it might create with this seasonal transformation. That is, if it were human.  This ‘seasonal’ asmita was in a post of mine a couple years ago and it got some positive feedback – “That is so cute!” “I love that!”

So, I can imagine Fridge would feel good about that feedback and start to decide it likes this attention. It might think, “Yea, I look good. I want to keep this going.”  If a button or an eye got knocked off, while someone was opening its door, Fridge might get upset and refuse to open. “How dare you treat me like that!” When it’s time for its seasonal identity to be put away, Fridge might refuse to let go and insist on keeping this identity. “What are you doing to me?? Are you trying to kill me or something?!”

Yes, it’s silly to think about a refrigerator like this, but it’s exactly the same with us. Only we are completely ignorant to the fact that we are being run by our roles and identities (avidya). A lot of our identities come from other people. How many times have you fretted over your perception about how you think someone else is perceiving you? Or you were going through changes and someone in your life was struggling with that change?

IDENTITY CHANGE ISN’T EASY, BUT NECESSARY

I remember when I came home from college after my first semester and had stopped eating meat. My family made fun of me, told me it was a fad, and rolled their eyes at me. Part of this came from my behavior as a child, changing what I’d eat from week to week. They just saw this ‘change’ as an extension of that pattern.

A good place to start getting more aware of identities is to start questioning yourself. Identify some of the roles that might not be serving you. 

• -What is a role/identity that you feel obligated by? 
• -What part of yourself do you have to shut off in order to be in this role as it is right now? 
• -Is there a way to be you, step into that role and then step out? 
• -Or is it time to take off that ‘skin’ and show up more as your authentic self?

The roles and identities that we take on to appease others are like a 60 pound backpack that you’re carrying around all day. It’s exhausting right?

Look, I know it can feel terrifying to ‘do it differently,’ yet deep inside there are some roles you know have to change. Otherwise, you’ll never move towards your True Self.  So start small. Is there a way to do it a little differently each time? Over time, you’ll look back and realize, “Wow, I’ve come a long way. I feel more myself now.” The small actions add up over time.

LET GO OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Fridge might first be willing to wear one less button, then lose a part of its scarf. Next, it might let go of its nose…finally the last thing to go is the hat. Now Fridge is connected back to its True Nature and purpose.

If you’re tired of the patterns that keep creating drama in your life or you’re tired of regretting your reactions, step back and ask, “What identity is this?” Get curious and unwind yourself from the control it has over you. After all, if that role or identity ended, you’d still be you.

Namaste.