“Real detachment is not in letting go of activity but letting go of attachment.”

This quote from my teacher, Prasad Ragnekar, has been on my office/ yoga room wall for a couple of years now. I refer to it periodically when meeting individually with people. It’s a reminder that attachment lives in the mind and detachment also comes from the mind, not the material world.

What creates attachment?

The Bhagavad Gita specifically names desire as a main component of attachment. “When the mind is constantly engaged in worldly things, it grows fond of them and develops attachments. From attachment arises desire, and from desire, anger” (BG 2.62).

When our mind is only focused outwards on sense objects of the material world, it starts to have desire for these things. Maybe desire comes from wanting some object because another person has it, or we’ve been told we need it by a commercial, or having an object makes us think we’ll be good enough then. Modern marketing does an excellent job playing on these desires.

Thinking about yoga marketing… We are told that in order to look the part we have to have certain brand clothing or mats, buy certain products, and even believe certain things. The yoga industry was worth $88 billion dollars in April 2020 and is projected to keep increasing (https://www.wellnesscreatives.com/yoga-industry-trends/).

These sense desires can wreak havoc on our emotional state. If we desire something and can’t get it, the result can be anger, self-doubt, anxiety, depression.

The Solution According to Yoga

One of the main practices in traditional yoga is practicing detachment. “When actions are performed renouncing attachment and desire for the fruit of actions, one becomes equal to gain and loss and experiences sameness (samatvam), which is yoga in itself” (BG 2.48). “Attachments interfere with a person’s ability to think clearly or rationally. When the person is free from attachments, he becomes equal to attraction and aversion and intelligent” (BG 2.57).

When one gets to a point that if the outcome is pleasurable or painful and can meet this with the same response, equanimity, then this is true detachment. Chapter 6.5-10 in the Bhagavad Gita, gives a number of examples of this from viewing friends and enemies the same, to viewing body and emotional experiences the same, to seeing a stone and piece of gold the same. 

When all impermanent things are viewed as the same, this is true detachment. The things that we find ourselves attached to don’t need to go away, it’s how we perceive and think about them that needs to change. 

What are impermanent things? Anything that changes over time – our bodies, everything we own, relationships, nature. Pretty much the material world.

Detachment is a practice and a process. The more investment we have in something, the more attachment is present. A mother is going to be more attached to a child than a new outfit. A business owner is more attached to their business than a home cooked meal. Also, what we value also has more attachment to it.

So, how does one go about practicing detachment (vairagya)?

1. First, become aware of what you are attached to.  I’m going to let you know there are a lot of layers with this. We can be attached to physical objects, emotions, thoughts, beliefs.  I suggest taking a moment to create a list of the top ten things you value. From that list choose one to start with.

OR

Another place to start is listing the last five situations that you were upset over. Reflect, why was I upset? Keep asking yourself “why” until you see where the attachment lies. Choose one of those attachments to focus on.

2. Second, start to notice reactions with this attachment. For example, if you value  honesty, notice your reaction when you or someone else isn’t honest. Can you shift perception from blame, judgment and anger to compassion and understanding? All of us haven’t been honest at some point. A person who is being dishonest with you, doesn’t mean that you have to be upset and take it personally. You’re aware of it so get curious and talk with them about it. If it’s with yourself, get curious and explore what kept you from being honest to learn from it.

3. Over time, as you take more and more responsibility for your reactions, you will start to let go of attachments and view the world more and more through a lens of equanimity.

Example…

A personal example of this in my life has been with plans changing. I come from a long line of planners and was taught that planning every detail was important. When I would plan an event with friends, if a friend cancelled or was wishy washy on committing, I would get so upset. I would go into a dialogue of the event not working out or feeling resentful for putting effort without receiving appreciation.  Even though I enjoyed planning, it would just create so much stress and anxiety for me.

I have spent many years working towards letting go of my attitude of perfection around planning. 2020 has shown me how much more easily I can plan something and then let go of the outcome. Now, I can put together a plan, invite people and then let it go, waiting until the time comes closer to confirm and put together final details. And sometimes it doesn’t happen…oh, well. There may be a moment of sadness it didn’t happen but it doesn’t last long anymore and I’m able to move on much more easily.

How do you know that you are moving from attachment to detachment? 

By your reactions. The more your initial reaction reduces in duration and intensity, the less attachment. There will overall be less drama in life.  Life becomes more simple, you feel more content, and responses become more of an inward process.

Use the world to experience (Bhoga) and learn, then detach and let go. This is Yoga! Keep up this process until you’ve connected to what is permanent – the True Self.

Just start with one thing to work on detaching from. Keep it simple.

Namaste.