It’s been 5 months since I’ve written a blog post and I had some ideas about how I might start sharing about the past five months. But, life had something else in mind. I planned on August 1st to sit down and start refocusing back on my business, Samya Yoga Healing. I kept reminding my mind that this was the date I’d allow space to dive into thoughts and ideas. The day arrived. I started off with my sadhana and a short bike ride, ready to get back to business…

ON LIFE’S TERMS

And Greg ended up needing medical attention due to a sudden onset of severe pain that consumed his entire body.

He ended up having a kidney stone. A visit to the local clinic led to a transfer to an ER about 40 minutes away. Finally, after almost 6 hours, he was able to get some significant pain relief. Supporting someone in such horrible pain, though not really able to do much to relieve that pain, was challenging.

LIFE’S REMINDER

My biggest reminder of the day happened while I was following the ambulance in our car. Greg didn’t have his cell phone, so one of the paramedics took my phone number to let me know what hospital they would take him to. Since it wasn’t a true emergency, the driver kept it a little slower for me to stay close.

Quickly, I saw how few people actually understand how to behave when an ambulance with flashing lights and sirens comes up from behind. Some people knew to pull over and many didn’t. 119 is a newer service in South Korea and education is ongoing. I took for granted how conditioned we are in the US to immediately pull over to get out of the way.

Thoughts like, “What the f*@%! Don’t you get what is happening here! Selfish bastards!”

My expectation around how cars ‘should’ behave was not being met and I started to have anger surge through my body. Maybe the added stress of the situation and feeling powerless or maybe past situations around feeling powerless came up. But, I definitely reacted. In the subdued Korean culture, a car honking, yelling, crazed American woman must have been a sight. (Though besides the horn, I don’t think anyone else saw or heard the rest of my display). I had taken it upon myself to enforce my own beliefs around the situation and angrily exploded. 

Luckily, my discerning mind was able to step in after a bit and calm everything down.

GRATITUDE TOWARDS THE CHALLENGE

Wow, that came out of nowhere. I had remained fairly calm and present up until then. But then the dam broke…

All due to expectations on how things ‘should’ go.

The other interesting observation was my response to my reaction. I shared it with Greg and a couple others. I didn’t keep it in, hiding it in embarrassment and shame. There was still embarrassment but I moved through it. I saw this as an experience to learn from and then move on from it. 

There wasn’t the rumination of how awful it was, questioning what was wrong with me, and doubting myself as a reasonable person because of the reaction. Instead, I was a little lighter and kinder to myself.

Huh, there actually have been some shifts over five months I dedicated to spending more time with me, myself and I.

I share all this because mind and mood management are not about getting to an ending. 

If the focus stays on the ‘not’ – not feeling a certain way, not behaving a certain way, or not feeling a certain way – it’s a losing battle because the focus is still on the very thing you don’t want or like.

BACK TO BUSINESS

Wellbeing is a process of inviting more of what you want so that over time the negative mind, reactivity, and impulsive patterns of our system decrease in duration and intensity. This allows space for more positive, calm, and present habits to form and increase.

Yes, I wish I hadn’t had that anger reaction. But, that reaction led to some positive insight and gratitude that wasn’t there before. And, it allowed me to mentally rehearse a different way so maybe next time, my discerning mind can more quickly diffuse anger’s strong fight response. 

I encourage you to share with someone a reaction you had recently that you weren’t proud of instead of hiding it. Find the life lesson, or reminder, in it so you can let it go and keep living.

After all, this is part of being human. We are all human and all spiritual. Both exist at the same time.

Shanti.