We dehumanize ourselves on a daily basis. And that energy goes out into the world, contributing to the violence that most of us actually want to end.
The biggest takeaway I had from my Yoga Teacher Training and Self-Development Course in 2012 was – “I’m 100% responsible for my life.” When I heard my teacher share these words, a light bulb burned brightly in my mind. In that moment, I realized all that I blamed, judged and criticized was actually reflecting what I don’t take responsibility for in myself. I have been striving for a more loving world since I was a little girl…yet by not taking responsibility for my reactions, I was unknowingly adding to the pain and suffering of the world.
Since 2012, with a commitment to myself to cultivate these words into my daily life, I have blamed less, befriended my emotional reactions, and increased my sense of calm and peace of mind. I am far from ‘perfect’, though I’m proud of how far I’ve come and eager for the next decade to see where I will be in the future.
MAKING ENEMY OF EMOTIONS
During a recent conversation with Jenna Schauer, my co-facilitator for an upcoming workshop series, she made a comment that treating body pain and mental pain separately is an act of dehumanization …
Again, a light bulb went on in my head.
Shortly after that Yoga Teacher Training in 2012, I had an ‘Ah Ha’ moment with the pattern of depression I seemed to fall into most winters. With my new practice of ‘taking responsibility’ for my reactions, the emotional reaction of depression was no different. As I leaned into it and listened to it – instead of trying to fix it – I began to realize that the lower energy I felt in my body this time of year was something I was judging. In that judgment, I was negative towards myself and the way my body felt. I was shocked at how I berated myself in my head without even knowing it.
Then I looked around me, I noticed everything in nature also had lower energy in this season of hibernation. I didn’t see the trees screaming at leaves for falling or animals wailing because it was time to sleep. They all did what was natural to them. I wondered – What if I viewed my lower energy as the most natural thing in the world? What would happen if I accepted that my body was just following the cycle of nature?
CHANGING THE LENS
In that ‘experiment’ of acceptance, I witnessed depression fade. Instead, I enjoyed getting cozy and embracing this natural slowing down.
My self-judgment about low energy was fueled by societal norms around productivity, defining ‘doing’ as achievement and success, and professional training in mental health that labeled ‘low energy’ as a symptom to alleviate. By changing the lens I saw low energy through, the reaction disappeared. It was just like changing red tinted sunglasses to yellow-tinted ones changed what the world looks like. No amount of ‘fixing’ the low energy yielded such results because the lens I was judging ‘low energy’ from stayed the same. The ‘fixing’ that came from self-judgement was keeping me stuck in disconnection from myself. That disconnection was causing me to dehumanize my emotional reaction by labeling it as ‘wrong’ and something to ‘fix’ to feel ‘better.’ I could never be whole from this point of view.
I may have had moments of feeling ‘better’ while trying to ‘fix’ my low energy, but in the long run, it created much more suffering in my life – for decades.
DEHUMANIZATION
I like how Michelle Maiese, in an article by Brené Brown, defines dehumanization:
””the psychological process of demonizing the enemy, making them seem less than human and hence not worthy of humane treatment.” Dehumanizing often starts with creating an enemy image.”
Though she is speaking about the process of dehumanization of one person or group of people to another, this definition easily fits within our inner relationship too.
When we use language that makes difficult and uncomfortable emotions ‘the enemy’ we are in the process of dehumanizing ourselves. It opens the door for self-destructive patterns of behavior to take hold. When those emotional ‘enemies’ show up, because they are within us, we go into a war within.
Negative, self-deprecating talk, whether it’s conscious or subconscious. Overdoing or underdoing in our behaviors. Going into flight or fight mode, our emergency response mode, when those emotions show up. Like a yo-yo, up, down, up, down, up, down. Doing things despite knowing they will be harmful in the end. Listening to excuses, blaming, doubting, confusion. Feeling empty and lost. Reacting, unable to control what comes out of our mouths. Fearful of the future and when emotions might show up, so actions to plan and control take over. Fearful of the past repeating itself, so actions try to create certain outcomes to avoid the same pain.
Because this war rages on inside of us without us even realizing it or truly understanding it – the wars that rage on outside of us become too much as well. Overwhelmed, we shut down and numb out. The cycle continues to disconnect.
CHANGING EMOTIONS FROM ENEMY TO ALLY
And the worst part is that this is exactly the opposite of what we desire in our hearts. We desire connection. And that connection process MUST happen within. The inner war must first be surrendered. By surrender, I don’t mean ‘give up.’ I mean surrender to reality and accept: I have a war going on within me. And then consciously decide – Do I want to continue making myself the enemy…
Or is it time to stop fighting and running and turn inward to face those seemingly difficult emotions?
One choice will keep you stuck. The other choice will lead to moving through to relief.
- Take responsibility for your reactions.
- Cultivate a new belief: “There is nothing wrong with me so there is nothing to fix.”. It’s time to cultivate self-understanding through curiosity and listening.
This is the choice we have throughout each day that we are in this world as a human being. Embrace your humanity and thrive. Or disconnect from your humanity and continue the war.
What will you choose?
Shanti.
P.S. Jenna Schauer and I choose to embrace humanity and thrive. Join us in an exploration over 5 sessions in ‘Find a Friend In Pain’, an online 5-session workshop series that starts December 2nd at 6:30pm MST. Get the details here.