Calming the mind doesn’t require more tools. In fact, if you never learned about another tool in your life, you can still effectively calm the mind. That’s because calming the mind requires having more choices, not more tools.
LOCATION DOESN’T EQUAL CALM AND HAPPY
I had been wanting to visit Hampi, India since 2003 when I watched Chris Sharma, Nate Gold, and Katie Brown’s climbing film based in the area. My two loves at the time – climbing and India – existed in this granite boulder filled spiritual mecca. Fast forward to December 2011 and I was in Hampi! Yet my mood was shit after just over-reacting with Greg, leaving me feeling guilty and worthless. I thought I had let that mood behind but here it was again.
I was standing on a balcony of a two-story guest house. My view overlooked the remnants of an ancient kingdom. Rhythmic chants from the 7th century Virupaksha Temple filled the air. All the ingredients to feel at peace with gratitude…and all my mind was doing was feeling sorry for itself. In my mind’s self-flagellating tirade, I asked myself, “What is wrong with you?! Look where you are!” I felt stuck and unsure how to move forward.
And that’s when it hit me…this cycle that keeps happening with my mood and mind, no matter where I am on this planet, is because of ME. Not because of what Greg said or did, not because of a situation, not because of something that happened in childhood, not because something bad happened. The common denominator in all these situations is ME! I immediately felt more open and lighter with this discovery.
FROM CLARITY COMES OPPORTUNITY
A few weeks later, my dear teacher, Prasad, asked me to join his first Yoga Teacher Training and my life changed. That emotional ‘freak out’ (as I would call them) that I had in Hampi, was the last one with that depth of emotional turmoil I’ve had since.
Why?
Because that simple, and seemingly obvious ‘epiphany,’ that I had to explore myself to find more peace and contentment, was the missing key.
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Up until that moment, I had been trying to calm my mind with external resources used to distract, avoid, escape what was going on in my mind so I could calm down. Yes, these external resources would help for minutes or hours. Sometimes if I was lucky, a day or two but inevitably I would fall right back into the cycle of self-doubt and self-judgment. This, leading back to feeling regret, guilt, and worthlessness.
If I was going to live 50-60 more years, I did not want to stay stuck in this same pattern for another moment. I wanted a different choice. Do you?
CALM COMES FROM WITHIN
The missing link, for me, was taking responsibility and developing internal resources. Since my mood was obviously coming from within, it was time to face myself. Not just to find another ‘quick fix’ to distract, avoid, or escape myself, but to actually look into my body, mind, and soul. Face…My…Self.
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It’s a process I will most likely continue to be in until I die. But, I know that I’ve never been more content with my life, enjoyed being me so much, and so excited for each experience. I now welcome the challenges just as much as the smooth sailin’ times because I know the truth about them both. Plus, what will my life be like in another year?! I’m excited to see what happens next, just like the anticipation of the next season of your favorite TV show!
Life is going to bring ups and downs to us until the day we die. That’s just the nature of life.
But, we have the choice in how we show up in all those situations, experiences, and relationships.
CHOICE IS ALWAYS THERE
You always have a choice, though it can be really hard to understand that unless you start to make these 3 principles part of how you live your life:
- Turn your awareness inward and trust yourself.
- Get curious.
- The breath is your #1 resource.
Integrate these 3 principles into your daily lifestyle habits and that’s all you’ll need to face any stressor or trigger with grace and quickly reset back to a your calm, centered mind state.
And if you are about to tell me that you’ve ‘tried’ these things, my response would be, “No, you didn’t. You only think you did.”
How long do you stick with trying the tools you’ve learned about for calming the mind? Two weeks? A month? Maybe a few months?
That is not long enough to integrate a habit into to your life, let alone master it.
I just had one of my students remember a journaling tool she used decades ago for months during a recent group session. She noted what a significant shift it made in her outlook, to the point that she went from being the negative person to people telling her they enjoyed being around her because of her positive attitude. She had never felt so better in her life!
And then she stopped taking this action.
Guess what she currently desires? A positive, peaceful mindset. Just like she was experiencing back then.
By turning her awareness inward, getting curious, and using her breath as her #1 resource, she was able to realize she already has an action she can take that has proven results for her. She has a choice of action to take because of her willingness to be a part of a community of like-minded women all looking for lasting calm and contentment.
THE 2 DAILY PRACTICES FOR LASTING CHANGE
The two areas of action to practice the three principles above are 1) A Stand Alone Daily Practice and 2) Daily Lifestyle Integration Practice.
A Stand Alone Daily Practice allows you to use your tools for calming the mind when your mind isn’t in a reactive state. A reactive mind state is a very tough place to start a new habit from. This daily practice also creates the repetition necessary for building habit and a bonus – it’s an act of daily self-love: Taking time for yourself.
But, if the actions to calm the mind don’t transcend into daily life, then they’re not going to become a lasting habit. You must learn how to use the rest of your life to integrate your tools to become something you do without thinking. That’s when they will become a part of ‘how you live your life.’ This is Daily Life Integration Practice.
This is why I offer both ways to create and strengthen a Stand Alone Daily Practice and Daily Lifestyle Integration Practice.
BECOMING A PART OF THE SAMYA YOGA HEALING COMMUNITY
The 4-week Learn To Meditate Course, which starts THIS Friday, November 1st 2024, uses learning modules, practice videos, and group support to lay the foundation for a daily meditation practice. Meditation is simply another way of saying ‘getting to know yourself.’ You can’t make changes in your mind state if you don’t know what your mind. The 3 principles that help to increase choice in all areas of your life are at the core of a Yoga meditation practice. Get the details and register here.
Lifestyle habits take time to integrate. I’m passionate about helping women integrate lasting change they desire to calm the mind. Not just learn and be done, but I spend the time with my clients to integrate the tools and habits to use for the rest of their lives.
January 6th, 2025 is the start of the next cohort for the Inner Roadmap™ Program. Th IRP is designed to lay the foundation to live a calm mind lifestyle for women in midlife so that they can decrease stress and anxiety by increasing their capability to face and diffuse the reaction.
I want all women to spend the second half of life building a trusting relationship with themselves, putting energy into people who lift them up, and truly enjoy living each day. If you’re interested in knowing more, let’s chat! Contact me at: https://samyayogahealing.com/contact/
TAKE ACTION
Regardless of where you’re at, choose one of these 3 key concepts to start exploring. Becoming aware of more choices in your life helps create a calm mind.
Shanti.