The tension in my house went up last week with news of the plan for reopening schools will look like in this uncertain time. I know it’s on many people’s minds as it was a topic I kept hearing about in the community last week. How can we manage feeling uncertainty in uncertain times?

In times of uncertainty and change, the mind will do its ‘job’ to keep us feeling safe and secure by creating stories about the possibilities of the future. If your mind has been racing, maybe trouble sleeping or staying on task or concentrating, this is probably what is happening to you.

The mind takes its job very seriously. It believes it is indispensable and has the answers to help us feel safe and secure. Only, what it creates are false senses of safety and security.  I had a personal observation of this a week ago. Silly, yet remarkably reflective of my mind’s pattern.

I’ve been slowly watching the TV show “This Is Us” over the past year. A week ago, I was coming up on the end of Season 2 and it was obvious that the reason for one of the character’s deaths was going to be revealed.  

On a bike ride, it all of a sudden popped into my head how this character died. I felt a sense of excitement and relief.  “I know.”  

A few days later, I watched the episode of the character’s death. There was sadness and tears.  My mind had gotten most of the story “right.” The tears kept coming. I got curious about my reaction because it felt excessive. In that reflection, I realized that my mind, in it’s subconscious thinking, thought if getting the story “right” it would be keeping me from feeling pain at the loss of this character.  Hardly the truth at all. 

“Knowing” what would happen didn’t keep me from experiencing pain.  This is the same with any loss, whether or not we know it’s going to happen, it’s still a loss.  I would say even more so if our mind has been fighting the loss, the reaction can be more intense because it’s also the loss of control. The attachment to and investment in something is what creates the emotional reaction of loss. The more we are attached and the more investment, the more intense the feeling of loss.

In this example, I had put time into getting to know the characters, time in watching the story unfold and my mind also put in time trying to figure out the story line to feel more control.  So, even though it was a fictional character, I felt intense loss when the character died.  Most likely the loss of this fictional character tapped into past real losses in my life, so the release was even bigger because I was letting go of other emotions from the past that didn’t get to be released in the past.

We are living in a time of uncertainty. Many things that have been a part of daily routine and seasonal routine have changed.  In reaction to this, many different emotions are manifesting in many different ways. And those reactions are constantly changing. Many of the ways we have been coping (or rather avoiding) with challenging emotions aren’t available to us. I’m sure most of us have experienced more intense emotions during this time because some of what we’ve been avoiding has surfaced since many distractions are gone.

The debate in the US of the right to choose to wear a mask or not is directly related to trying to find control, i.e. safety and security, when a person is struggling with uncertainty, change, confusion and frustration.  All the different stories that are going on right now as people are trying to feel safe and secure have ended up creating more confusion and frustration. What is reality?

To me, this time period is an opportunity to practice mindful awareness in OUR OWN reactions, get curious about them and then consciously decide how we want to meet the challenge, be in the moment and live life now.  When we don’t do this, I guarantee that fear will take over. Remember, we can not control others and staying upset and angry just creates more negativity. Ask yourself:

• What are the facts of the situation?
• What is my responsibility or what can I control?
• What do I want to do with the above answers or data?
• What outcome am I trying to control, expect, or feel like should be happening? What do I need to do to let go of the outcome and come back to what is in my control?

Right now (and this is actually always true) we don’t know what is going to happen a week, a month, a year from now.  

Let’s come back to taking it one day at a time. Come back to the present and keep coming back. This is where a sense of calm and grounding can be accessed. It will take time and practice as the mind is pretty attached to its habits.

You have the ability to control the mind, don’t let the mind control you.