Managing uncertainty is hard and feels uncomfortable and distressing at times. If you do what has typically been taught to us, trying to control uncertainty, it can make things worse. In fact, I find many mental health professionals, unknowingly, encourage tactics to address stress and anxiety that actually end up increasing things in the long term.

MANAGING UNCERTAINTY

As I’m writing this blog post, it’s two days before the 2024 US Presidential election. Living in South Korea, it’s easy to distance myself from the overwhelm of such a tight race. Last week, talking to friends, it’s been challenging to manage the distress of uncertainty. I know it’s hard being in the thick of it and it will most likely go on past November 5th.

Anticipation of a future outcome is maddening because it’s uncertain and uncomfortable.

The mind tries to find control in a situation that feels out of control. A lot of times trying to find control can make things feel more stressful.

Why is that?

CONTROL MODE

When we move into ‘Control Mode,’ usually the focus is on controlling the world around us, which we do not have control over. The stress comes from trying to control the uncontrollable. And, frankly, it ends up being wasted energy. It’s like trying to control the weather – impossible.

It feels exhausting, disempowering, confusing, and highly frustrating. It’s like trying to squeeze a wet bar of soap.

If you’ve been feeling like this, most likely you are in this Control Mode. So, I want to invite you to a different practice. I’m going to call it the Accept & Action mode (AAM).

COME TO THE PRESENT

To create this change from Control Mode to Accept & Action Mode, you need to first calm your mind and body. I usually start any workshop, webinar, or any live session by doing a practice I call ‘Come Into The Space’ or ‘Come Into The Present’.  You can access it here. Anything that can help your mind come to the present will start to activate the parasympathetic nervous system. That’s the part of the nervous system that is activated when we feel calm.

Next is the acceptance phase. In order to create meaningful change, you must know where you are starting from. Not where you think you are but where you actually are. What are the facts – the who, what, where, when of the situation? Maybe consider the why, if you know it, but let it go if you don’t. It’s easy to get stuck in the ‘whys’.In the end, it’s not important why but ‘what do I need to do to support myself?’

WHAT ARE THE FACTS?

Accept the facts. For example, if you’re sick, you’re sick. It doesn’t matter what you ‘could have, would have’ done differently at this point. You are sick, accept that is what is happening right now. 

Once you have the facts and accept that is what is happening in the present moment, what are your options? What are the possible courses of action you could take at that moment knowing your symptoms and history? Write down anything that comes to mind, even if it sounds too out there.

With that list of possibilities, how does each feel in the body. This is a key part of the AAM. Typically, we try to think our way to an outcome in each scenario and choose what we think will get us to our goal the fastest, instead of what would be best for us in the situation. We react from a story instead of consciously responding to the facts.

The thing with reacting is it comes from a flight or fight response. The mind is interpreting the situation as dangerous to its survival, when most likely it’s not. It’s just uncomfortable. If we run or fight what is happening, we don’t ever move through it. This is what keeps us stuck, feeling like we are running in a hamster wheel, getting nowhere. The same issue just keeps coming up in different forms. Until we accept it and face it – we won’t move through it. The lesson hasn’t been learned.

TURN INWARDS

Facing the sensations of discomfort requires turning awareness inwards and noticing what’s happening with body sensations, thoughts, emotions, and breath. For an example of how to do this, watch my video on ‘Being With Emotions’ to help you experience it.

Developing an inner awareness of the reaction while it’s happening, increases your ability to listen, rather than react. In listening, you can gather the information necessary to make an informed, conscious response and a choice that is most likely a better fit for you.

Going back to the example of sickness, sometimes the body needs food and sometimes it doesn’t when sick. By taking a moment to listen to the reaction in your body when you think about these two options (eat or not eat), you will know which course of action to take. 

If you feel about to vomit at the thought of food, the option of eating is off the table. It’s no longer an action you want to take. Even if there’s a thought in your mind that says, “I really should eat something.” You can let that thought know, maybe in the future but that’s not the choice you are going with right now.

TAKE AN ACTION

The Action phase of AAM is to make a choice given all the information you’ve collected by accepting the present situation and listening to your inner experience. 

Another place where women get stuck is over thinking options. I know I’ve spent hours and days playing out imagined scenarios and outcomes, trying to find the ‘right’ course of action. And then no action is taken so no movement forward can happen. 

Change requires action. If you don’t take action, your old habits will take action for you. And doing the same thing you typically do will continue to get you the results you already have. Most likely these are the results you are hoping to change. Just by taking action, movement is happening and course correction can happen more easily with that momentum. 

FROM UNCERTAINTY TO CLARITY

Recapping the Accept and Action Mode…

• Accept Phase👇
  • Calm the mind
  • Understand the facts of the situation
  • Accept this is what is happening right now

• Action Phase 👇
  • From the present situation, name your options
  • Notice the reaction in your body with each response
  • Take Action from the information you’ve collected

FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL

Remember, if you are in Control Mode, trying to control things that you have no control over, it will feel exhausting, disempowering, confusing, and highly frustrating. To stop this pattern, work on moving into the Accept and Action Mode. Start with doing whatever helps you to calm the mind and come to the present moment. 

Conscious change can’t happen until you do this first. Moving through a tough situation can’t happen until you do this first. If you want a lasting calm mind, this must happen first.

The Accept and Action Mode is part of the Find Calm Formula in my Inner Roadmap™ Program. If you have any questions or want to learn more, let’s connect! Reach out to me here.

Shanti.