Living by the ocean has made me realize life is a lot like the changing ocean waves—sometimes steady and calm, sometimes choppy and unpredictable. Each transition we go through in life asks something different of us. Maybe balance, patience, and courage. Or simply the willingness to let go and trust. Over the years, I’ve come to see that these moments of change, whether small or life-altering, are opportunities to pause and choose how we want to show up. Recently, the ocean reminded me of this truth, even on a calm day.
LIFE LESSON ON A PADDLEBOARD
One of the things Greg and I have enjoyed about living on Jeju Island is paddleboarding on the ocean. It’s a fun way to get on the ocean and see things from a different perspective. The challenge is finding the right conditions, i.e. the winds and size of swells to be in our favor. This past weekend, the wind was uncharacteristically calm and the swells were as mellow as they get. There is one spot that we go to often, about a 15 minutes drive from where we live.15 minutes from where we live is a spot we go often because there are many options depending on the conditions.
From this area, there is a cave in the basalt rock to the east that we’ve only paddled to once. The reason is getting there can be tricky because of a point of land we have to navigate around. At this spot, different currents come together and if the swells are bigger, it can make for a hairy situation. With the calmer wind and smaller swell, we decided to try getting over to the cave again.
Going around that point, the water was all over the place with different currents, waves from passing boats hitting the rocky cliffs and bouncing back, and the small swells mixing with it all. I dropped to my knees to keep balance as I kept a steady stroke, breathing to the rhythm of my paddle’s movement.
TRANSITIONS OF LIFE
The transition from one side of the point to the other is a lot like the transitions of life. In these times it can feel unsteady as we navigate uncertainty. Many waves of emotions from excitement to fear come at us. It is easy to slip back into old habits and behaviors as we search for comfort and safety.
Sometimes those transitions are small. Like going from work to a holiday break and then back to work again. Or getting sick with the flu that disrupts the normal flow of life. In these times, getting rebalanced, typically, doesn’t take too much effort.
Other times, transitions are bigger: Start of a new school year. Child going off to college. Serious illnesses. Marriage or divorce. Menopause. Death of a loved one.
Transition is a part of life, guaranteed.
Whether a transition is planned or not, they are all opportunities to observe, reflect and choose to continue our course…or do things differently.
Do I cling…or let go?
Tense up or relax?
Push through or pause?
Breathe or hold the breath?
Numb out or feel?
Say no or Say yes?
Observe or ignore?
Be present or focus on the past?
Be present or focus on the future?
Speak up or be silent?
These and many other choices are available in times of transition.
MAKING CONSCIOUS CHOICE – WAVE OF FEAR
The first time I became aware of making a conscious choice to do things differently was in 3rd grade. I don’t remember all the details of what led up to my choice…most likely a desire to call someone up (no texting back then) and being frozen in fear. “What if they say, ‘no’, and laugh at me?”
What I do remember is telling myself I was sick and tired of that fear. I wanted to connect with someone and I was tired of letting fear stop me. That was the day I started to challenge fear. I began to put myself out there more despite the ‘what ifs’. It continues to be a practice to this day because fear is a part of life. It has, though, become a much less powerful force because I’ve gotten to know it so well.
Fear has a purpose. It is there to keep us alive and survive. (Thank you, Fear!)
BUT…
If we don’t learn how to face fear to discern when its ideas are useful and when they aren’t, it’s easy to allow fear to make decisions for us.
The reason I had not been back to that cave on my paddleboard was, in part, due to fear. You see, when we turned around after having a wonderful paddle to the cave that first time, we hit some stronger wind that made it really challenging to get back around the point to a calmer cove. I had a moment where I thought I wasn’t going to make it and that scared me. Fear remembered that experience.
NAVIGATING FUTURE TRANSITIONS
This lesson has served me well in my decisions of when or when not to go out paddleboarding. I know it’s a better choice to paddle into the wind going out. It taught me where changes in currents can happen. I am grateful for this experience and the lessons.
I am also grateful to have another chance, when conditions were right, to try it again. Returning to the cave allowed me to see how my skills with paddleboarding have progressed. I got to feel the transition in the currents without dealing with wind to understand it more. I had fun on the return paddle with the wind at my back. From that first, more scary experience, I was able to use future trips on the ocean to experiment, gain skill, and understand the ocean more.
USE SMALL TRANSITIONS AS PRACTICE
The small life transitions are practice for the bigger ones. This is the cool thing about life. Small transitions are constantly happening. If we are aware, we can be intentional about how we want to show up in life and use those daily situations. The obstacle is, most of us are living in the story of fear and just trying to ‘survive.’ Going from one ‘To Do’ and ‘Have To’ to the next. Exhausted at the end of the day.
If I wasn’t aware of when fear showed up as I felt the transition beneath my feet, it would have been easy to turn back. And, guess what…that would have been okay. The thing is, I made a commitment to myself back in 3rd grade that I would learn to face fear and discern consciously to go with it or do it differently. This commitment has guided me my entire life.
So, I dropped to my knees, felt more stable and decided I could keep going.
In Sanskrit, this process is Viveka to Vairagya – turning inward to observe what is happening within and discern what to hold onto and what to let go. Specifically sifting through the stories of the mind to find truth.
REFLECTION
If you’re going through a big transition:
- What do you need that you aren’t allowing yourself to have?
- What do you want to do differently?
If you’re going through daily transitions:
- What is your commitment to yourself?
- How do you want to show up in 10 years?
- And what action step can you start practicing now?
- What do you want to do differently?
And remember, you’re human too, just like everyone else. Be kind to yourself.
Shanti.
P.S. Interested in learning how to embrace life’s transitions with more ease and grace? To face anxious reactions and move through them with a conscious response? That’s what I do! I support women stuck in anxious reactions to find their voice, face conflict, and step forward with calm clarity. Let’s chat and see if working together is a good fit. Schedule a Connection Call with me at any time.