One of my personal practices for some time has been to pause. Recently, it feels like the universe has been doubling down on helping me with that intention, though not in the way I’d have planned it. 

Pausing can happen in many ways. From taking a vacation to stopping during the day to take a deep breath, to starting or ending the day with meditation, or taking time to journal a reflection. Pauses can be big or small and they are all important.

When we don’t take time to pause, life has a way of stepping in to make the pause happen. Heck, even when you do take time to pause, life still might step in to create a deeper pause.

PAUSE WITH THE BODY

I’ve been recently taking some courses with Kristine Kaoverii Weber of Subtle Yoga. Her asana practices build on what I’ve been taught, practice and teach already. Move with the breath, take time to pause in poses to breathe, and become aware. She has a wonderful saying, “The pause is just as important as the movement.” 

Kristine is all about the supporting science of how slowing down and pausing in an asana practice is important. It helps to strengthen the nervous system, increase interoception, and develop neuroplasticity. It’s a beautiful way to practice, using a yoga practice for innercise – which is so important for our overall health.

PAUSE WITHIN

Over the past few years, I’ve been committed to doing weekends of silence at home. Inspired by one of my wonderful friends, who did 10 days of silence with two children at home.  These weekends have become something I look forward to and it almost always comes at a needed time. Taking to detox from the digital world, spending time reflecting and being with myself is a necessity rather than a luxury at this point. It’s how I nurture the relationship with myself.

Three weeks ago, I was heading to a weekend getaway with my husband. While driving, I was hit with an episode of dizziness. It’s not uncommon for me to, periodically, experience dizziness from symptoms of Meniere’s Disease. In fact, this condition has been a driving factor in slowing down and working on decreasing stress in my life. Usually, I have a day or two of waves of dizziness or vertigo, then things settle and life goes on.

This time has been different, challenging the’ planner’ and ‘doer’ in me. The part that likes to know how things go so that I can plan accordingly and keep life moving forward. It’s now been three weeks of daily periods of dizziness or vertigo – lasting from 10 minutes to over an hour. There were a couple days of reprieve where things felt better and I was ready to move back into ‘regular’ life again. But, that was not what was meant to be and the waves came back.

PAUSE TO MEET THE MIND

Part of what creates stress for me (and pretty much for most of us) is actually my mind and the perspective it takes. During these past three weeks, I’ve been more attuned to the thoughts that underlie what causes my body to tighten, my breath to be short and shallow, and negative thoughts to spiral. These thoughts can be fueled by worry or excitement, fear or positive ideas. Whether it’s the perfectionist, the helper, the reliable person, the business entrepreneur, athlete or any other one of my identities…when they feel ‘not enough’ in some way, the stress response happens.  

The thing is, at this point, if too much of that stress response happens, Meniere’s symptoms flare up or are exacerbated.  I am forced to practice pausing. Pausing from moving my body, from too much thinking and analyzing, from planning and assuming certain things will just happen.

I’ve moved more into a space of being, which is not always comfortable. When my head is spinning, focusing on slowing my breath and letting go of thoughts while being still helps to relax. Just witnessing the tornado that happens within my body and speaking kindly to it has been a fascinating process. When I stay calm and compassionate, it helps to lessen the suffering. Many times afterwards, I feel both tentative in trusting my body but also in awe how it just ended. It can leave me wondering if I just imagined it all.

PAUSE TO BE WITH UNCERTAINTY

Since I’ve entered new territory with all this, not knowing how long these symptoms will last, I’ve had to be humble. I’ve had to ask for help, accept I can’t do ‘business as usual’ and wonder what my new ‘normal’ might evolve into. How will pause look after all this so I can support my body and mind going forward? 

I do know that, more than ever, the spiritual path of Yoga is there to help support me. It can be hard to shift my mind back to Yoga, yet every time I do, my suffering is less, my fear is less. I feel a little more trust and faith, a little more enough, and a little more able to push my comfort zone and do things just a little differently. That ‘doing it differently’ usually means slowing down and finding more ways to enjoy life rather than go through a ‘to do’ list.

I don’t know what will happen next but I know that it will be another experience to connect me more to what is true by seeing what is impermanent and not actually who I am.

Namaste.