The perspective in which we view the world shapes how we deal with the ups and downs of life. One specific perspective that is necessary for living from a more loving place is abundance. Its opposite, lack, tends to be the default setting most of our brains are wired towards. Lack is rooted in fear and control. This is a learned response, which means it can be unlearned by practicing a perspective of abundance.

THE BIOLOGY OF SURVIVAL

Let’s first take a look at the mindset of lack to understand it a bit more. Understanding our reactions can help to create space so we can make a choice and cultivate a mindset of abundance.

Our mind and body’s basic biological job description is survival – to keep us alive. With that in mind, the oldest parts of our brain focus on danger and reacting quickly. The first response that developed millennia ago was to freeze. Next, came the flight or fight response. Finally, as mammals, i.e. social animals, we learned to use social cues to restore distress without the need to fight, flight, or freeze.

How this works is when there is conflict, we first use relationships to find safety. We might try to talk someone down or break tension through humor. If that doesn’t work or isn’t available, our autonomic nervous system gets activated to move into fight or flight. So, we might do what we can to get out of the situation or get upset and defend. Again, if that doesn’t work or isn’t available, we freeze or fold. This can look like numbing out or dissociating.  

This is all normal. Throughout the day we are moving up and down this hierarchical system to meet challenges and conflicts that happen throughout our day. If you’ve heard of Heart Rate Variability, it is a way to measure how a person’s nervous system moves from a state of stress arousal back to calm. If we are alive, we will encounter conflict. What we have control over is how we meet it.

THE PERSPECTIVE OF LACK

The perspective of lack comes into play when our body-mind system moves into fight or flight response. When this happens, we don’t feel safe and feel more uneasy. It’s hard to trust others and the world. The belief that ‘others can’t be trusted’ comes from unresolved conflict during times when we are in one of the survival modes.

Maybe a child felt scared and looked for their adult caregiver who happened to either not be available or was unable to help soothe that child. If this kept happening to the child, the child’s body-mind quickly learns not to trust others to help them. In fact, it is even unsafe for their survival.

Throughout our life, our mind-body system is constantly on the lookout for danger. When an event happens which breaks trust or when we feel out of control our body stores is as a memory. It does this to keep us safe so that going forward, any environmental cues that remind the body of the negative event will trigger a defense response.

All of our reactions come from some past learning, whether a direct experience or learning from another’s experience. This is important to realize and I will explain it more later. Just recognize that when you find your mind judging, doubting, comparing, blaming, or shaming it comes from the fear of being harmed in some way. It is the mind-body trying to protect you – even though most of the time it unnecessarily causes more isolation and disconnection. This is typically the opposite of what we truly desire, which is to belong and feel connected.

The lesson is that a perspective of lack is based on fear and protection.

PERSPECTIVE OF ABUNDANCE

The opposite of lack is abundance.

One of my favorite sutras in Patanjali Yoga Sutras is 2.33, which states when one is aware of negative thought waves to cultivate the opposite. I love this sutra because it gives us a concrete practice to meeting a mind focused on lack and fear. So simple, yet profound.

Taking a look at some of the behaviors I listed above that a mindset of lack produces and let’s find the opposite behavior:

– Judging = Non-judging

– Doubting = Trusting

– Comparing = Focusing on Yourself

– Blaming = Taking responsibility

– Shaming = Compassion

Here is an outline of what to work on to move from a perspective of lack to one of abundance. Please notice that I specifically used the word ‘cultivate.’ Just like cultivating a garden, it takes time, effort, and persistence to change our perspective so it becomes a habit. A person doesn’t go from never having a garden to master gardener in one season. The same thing goes for changing behaviors and belief systems. The less tangible, the more practice is needed.

What’s freeing about this is you now know what you need to do and there’s no need to fret over a timeline and an outcome. Just stay focused on your intention to practice compassion or maybe building trust. Whatever you choose, keep coming back to it each day, letting it guide new behaviors and responses.

Simple, yet profound.

USE YOUR EXPERIENCES

I want to bring it back to the point I made earlier that all of our reactions come from some past learning, whether a direct experience or learning from another’s experience.

Truly embracing this statement means that getting upset at your reaction or ‘beating yourself up’ over a mistake will absolutely not help. In fact, it just strengthens the negative reaction.

Instead, we are invited with every experience throughout our day to examine our reactions and be curious. Your reaction comes from a past experience, not necessarily what is happening in the present. (Unless you are in a life threatening situation in which the body’s defense system needs to be activated to react quickly). Use this knowledge to consciously decide how you want to move forward in a given situation, instead of letting the initial reaction decide for you.

Your mind and body are tools to use for Self-realization. They are not who you are.

To my knowledge, we are one of the only animals on earth to have the ability to override the body-mind reaction system and become more conscious and intentional in how we view and show up in our life.

You always have a choice of what perspective you want to live by. Abundance or Lack?

Namaste.

P.S. Are you a woman feeling lost in midlife relationship change and want to move to a perspective of abundance? Check out the free masterclass to see how to move from lost and stuck to clarity and empowerment.