Finding purpose is important because it helps our mind focus, make decisions, and guide us in how we live our life. When we feel purposeless, our minds will do whatever it takes to change this, even if it is harmful to us.  Having purpose calms the mind and body. 

Most of us have been taught to find purpose through the roles we play. Things like being a good parent/partner/employee. But what happens when we are not in those roles or when those roles change?  We have an identity crisis. This sense of purpose causes more suffering than we realize.

IDENTITY CRISIS

An identity crisis can be small. If having a clean house is part of how you define yourself, when your house feels dirty, you will clean it. If a family member doesn’t follow a ‘clean house’ rule, you may become upset. This is a little identity crisis. You may yell at the person to fix it or you may fix it yourself. Identity crisis ends.

On the other hand, an identity crisis can be full blown when a role ends. Some examples are being fired, a marriage or long-term relationship ending, children leaving home, aging body.

The roles we play throughout life are constantly changing due to time of day, our environment, or phase of life. Since they change, there is a beginning and end to them. Most of us have difficulty with change in general. Add a loss of role and sense of purpose on top of change and it can be the perfect storm.

ROLES CHANGE

The reality is that no role will last forever. So, when we define ourselves and our purpose through our roles, when that role changes or ends, it feels like we’ve lost a part of our very being.  The key word here is ‘feels.’ Just because we feel something doesn’t mean it’s true.

Our feelings are part of the communication from our mind and body. They depend specifically on what story or perspective we are coming from. That is why for one person a loss of role may cause distress for a short time frame and for another it may take years to move through, if at all.

YOGA CLASS CANCELED

Here’s an example. I was teaching yoga asana (yoga pose class) at a studio and the number of students showing up for my class had decreased for some reason. The owner needed to change things up to bring in revenue, as well as make changes since I had been teaching the class for four years. 

If I had come from the point of view that the class size decrease was based on my value as a yoga teacher, I would have been devastated. It could have caused me to stop teaching for a long time or given it up all together. I would have been down on myself and ruminating on what I could have done better, literally driving myself crazy.

Instead, my initial reaction was relief. I knew that in a few months I would not be teaching this class anymore because I was moving. I felt as if things were in perfect alignment.

Even if I had not been moving, I would have welcomed the change in my routine that had been the same for almost four years. It was time for a change and I was feeling it.

I do not view teaching yoga asana classes as my purpose. I enjoy it. I love interacting with students. I welcome the lessons I learn from teaching. Instead, my purpose in life comes from how I live my life, not what I do. This shift in purpose calmed my mind and fostered the clarity I needed for this transition.

SHIFTING MY PERCEPTION

This was not always the case. I used to find my purpose in my roles, especially my role of ‘helping others.’ I would go to the ends of the earth to help others professionally and in my personal life. I would go all in to help others until the point of exhaustion. Then resentment, disappointment, and blame would kick in after I had depleted myself.

This pattern happened over and over until I finally learned through my study and practice of Traditional Yoga that I am not my role. Now I use experiences in life and my roles as a way to practice my life purpose. 

To get out of purpose being defined through your roles, inevitably causing more pain and suffering, requires a shift in perception.

FIND AN INNER PURPOSE

Find your purpose in life by cultivating qualities you’d like to live by. Another way to think about this is how you want to show up in life, no matter the situation or the role you find yourself in.  

When women come to me for help, typically they are wanting to find more balance and peace in their life in some way, shape, or form.

If this is true for you, what would that look like? How do you define balance? How do you define peace?

What would be different in our life if you were living a more balanced and peaceful life?

What would need to change for this to happen? What would you need to allow more into your life that you are avoiding?

These are some questions to start thinking about finding a purpose that is outside the roles you play in your life.  This is the way to find a purpose that can guide you through the rest of your life and lead you more to your authentic self.

Find a purpose that guides you to who you want to be, not in what you do. Purpose calms the mind if it comes from the right place.

Namaste.

P.S. I specialize in working with women in midlife who have lost their purpose and balance in life due to all the changes happening that can lead to an identity crisis.  Learn my process to find your way through the inevitable changes of life with confidence and clarity in the free masterclass: The Find Calm Formula™.