I just had the opportunity to watch the movie ‘Inside Out 2’, which I was eager to see after thoroughly enjoying the first movie. Again, wonderfully done! The themes of hiding memories that are more painful, protecting by trying to control outcomes, and labeling emotions as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ were illustrated so cleverly. Prior to watching this, I had an experience at the gym that also had me reflect on my reaction.

Living on campus in faculty housing where Greg teaches, we have access to the school’s nice athletic facility – including the weight and fitness room. Since the school’s winter break just started, it was quiet on campus, including the athletic center…sort of. 

THE REACTION

When I entered the weight room, there was only one other person working out, who must have forgotten their headphones, because they were – loudly – playing their listening choice. It happened to be a Bible study. I could feel a twinge of annoyance, more because of the volume rather than the content. Noticing my reaction, I smiled at myself and decided to listen to one of my Yoga teacher’s lectures instead of focusing on the annoyance.

As I was going through my exercises, I switched to some workout content I followed for reminders on my form. I found that concentrating on awareness of my body, I needed to turn off my audio. Between sets, I could hear the other person’s audio again. After a moment to reflect on my reaction again, I decided to experiment and listened to it a bit. I noticed there was a theme – finding joy. The message, to me, was saying that in order to connect with joy, one must surrender to God.

IN THE MOMENT REFLECT ON REACTION

I’ve been exploring my definition of God for a while now and have landed on one word – Love. Not just any love, but unconditional love. To me, at this point in my life, I define God as the highest form of unconditional love that is the foundation for all life.

So, my interpretation of what I was hearing during this recent workout was that in order to connect with joy, I need to work on cultivating love. Over the past two weeks, I’ve had a number of experiences that haven’t gone as planned. I’ve taken these experiences as times to practice calming my mind and opening up to a wider perspective of the situation, which seems to help me end up in this place of love…and joy. Joy and love seem to live in the same space. With joy, I’ve noticed that I tend to laugh a lot, which just feels good.

I also know that when my mind is angry, in worry or fear, anxious, envious, or resentful…it’s really hard to access joy. If I want to feel more joy, then I must stop and lean into the challenging emotion and see where the block to joy lives in that moment. What is keeping me from accessing joy and addressing it?  Not avoid, escape or beat myself up for feeling a difficult emotion, but actually face it. It’s taken lots of practice but I spend much more time in the calm, grounding place of love and joy much more. I’m excited to see where my mind is at after 1, 5, even 10 years of continuing this practice.

WITH PRACTICE THERE IS CHANGE

In the past, I would have been highly reactive to hearing someone loudly playing a Bible study in the gym. I would have bristled at the mention of God. I would have let it ruin my workout and replayed the experience in my mind, riling me up many times. 

There are other options for this situation. I also could have asked the person to turn down their audio so I didn’t have to listen to it, a very good choice.

Instead, I took this experience as an opportunity to explore my reaction. And this reflection on my reaction actually helped to calm my mind in the end. A much more lasting calm than just having the person turn down the volume.

I felt gratitude for the experience and hoped that this person would be able to find joy in their life too. There will be other times in the future that some one’s behaviors will infringe on me, guaranteed. It’s nice that I know I have a wide spectrum of choices, depending on how I choose to view the situation, rather than stewing in anger.

THE PRACTICE INVOLVES TUNING IN

Though the words were different in this Bible study, the message was very similar to what I’ve studied in Yoga, specifically in reference to Bhakti Yoga, which focuses on devotion and faith. There are other paths of Yoga that don’t focus on God or a higher power, though all of them do focus on turning inwards.

Whether we are looking for joy, love, peace, contentment, happiness, etc., at some point, we have to start looking inward. These are all emotions and states of mind. If they are to last, we need to go to the source.

If there is water dripping, we can put a bucket underneath it to catch the water. Once it’s full, then dump it out…and do this for a long time. But if you want the water to stop dripping, you have to find out the source of the leak and address that.

3 LIMITING BELIEFS AROUND EMOTIONS

Some of the ways we cause ‘leaks’ in our mind state are the ones that I mentioned were addressed in ‘Inside Out 2’: 

• Hiding memories that are more painful
• Protecting by trying to control outcomes 
• Labeling emotions as ‘good’ or ‘bad’

Avoiding or hiding from memories doesn’t make them go away. They just hang out until another experience happens that jogs our mind’s memory of the past. Then, we react not just to the current situation, but also to the past event that we never faced and moved through. Avoiding or hiding from past memories ends up making them feel even more painful then the actual event we experienced.

Protecting ourselves or someone else from the ‘what ifs’ is actually putting energy into the very thing we don’t want to happen. This is what is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. When I work with women who want to ‘not’ do something, I know if they don’t shift their perspective to what they want to ‘do’ instead, there is a much higher chance of relapse and falling back into old habits. 

Repeating, “I’m not going to get angry, I’m not going to get angry, I’m not going to get angry” over and over is going to lead to getting angry!

Instead, I would explore with that person why they want to reduce their anger reaction and brainstorm action steps to move towards how they want to respond instead. Then, focus on practicing those steps. Energy flows where awareness goes!

1 BELIEF SHIFT AROUND EMOTIONS

One very simple practice to change how you deal with emotions is cultivating the belief: ‘There are no bad or good emotions. Emotions are just communication for me to listen to.’ 

This alone will remove blocks and plug leaks within our mind-body reaction. It can help to pause and reflect on the reaction to see other options. Reactions limit our options. Reflection opens up choices and possibilities so we can respond.

A step further would even welcome your awareness of the uncomfortable emotions. There’s definitely something we aren’t understanding or ‘getting’ when there are uncomfortable emotions. When we don’t listen, our system becomes louder to try to get our attention, so when you avoid or ignore, it ends up feeling worse. By learning to listen and reflect on reaction, it allows you to understand and face the situation so you can move through it.

Over the next year, what is one emotional reaction that you would like to address in order to move forward? What do you want to move towards instead?

Shanti.

P.S. If you know what emotional reaction you want to address but have no idea how to do that, I can help. Fortunately, it’s something I’ve been helping women do for two decades and I’m passionate about helping those women who are ready to do it differently. What would life be like if you no longer had that emotional reaction? The next cohort of the Inner Roadmap™ Program starts in January 2025. Let’s get you on your way to make this a reality for you! Schedule a call with me here to see if this is a good fit for you.