Why do we feel the need to keep ‘doing’?  Why do we struggle to rest, to be still, and to be quiet? What causes us  to feel we need more and more…even though we might already have everything we need?

From the point of view of a Traditional Yoga text, Patanjali Yoga Sutras, the root cause of our suffering is mistaken identity. We mistake the roles we play, which change and are transitory, for ‘Who I Am.’ Whatever changes is not the truth of who we are.

THE PATTERNS THAT LIMIT

A person feels the need to keep ‘doing’ because they mistake their roles as who they are. When a person feels insecure or ‘not good enough,’ to prove they are worthy and good enough then they must keep taking action. This is where over-doing happens.

If taking action is the way to prove one’s value and worth, then taking time to rest and be still is challenging. The mind and body start to feel restless and thoughts that “I should be…” come up. Being still becomes defined as being “lazy.” Or the mind thinks, when I finish______, then I can relax. For most people, we have to unlearn the beliefs about ‘doing’ to be able to truly relax.

Because most of us, deep down, feel “I am not good enough,” accumulating things also gets disguised as a solution. If we have a big house, luxury car, right clothes, and latest gadgets then we will be ‘secure.’ Since these things are outside of ourselves, they are not a solution for an inside problem. They do not create lasting change. In fact, they end up causing more stress because now there are more things to take care of and maintain. 

Can you relate?

THE ‘IT’S WHO I AM’ MYTH

I have heard many people tell me, “well that’s just who I am.” To me, that’s a statement that communicates, “I’m not willing to change,” “I’m not responsible.” Any behavior or pattern is not the essence of ‘who I am’ because it changes. Therefore, we can all change our behaviors and patterns. I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m saying you can change.

This statement usually comes after a litany of complaining and blaming about feeling miserable and unhappy. Most people on this planet are actually quite comfortable in misery and suffering. Most will stay there for their entire lives and they continue to stay focused on the external world, feeling stuck.

RELAX AND BE STILL

All paths of Traditional Yoga invite us to do it differently. The actual ‘solution’ is to stop proving, striving and doing by turning inward and getting curious about ourselves, our internal world. 

No, it doesn’t change everything overnight. That is because doing it differently takes consistent practice and ends up actually creating a different way of living. In order to find more calm and peace in life requires a different mindset than the one we have been taught –  a ‘doing’ mindset..  

If you’re tired of being a hamster running its wheel day after day and ready to live differently, here are some simple ways to start doing it differently. This is actually a process of returning back to yourself. It requires letting go of what isn’t serving a peaceful way of life. You don’t have to create a ‘new’ you, you just have to allow yourself to actually be you. Start to peel away the stories and images that aren’t actually ‘you’ through some simple actions. Keep doing them over and over. Commit to doing them for the next year and see what happens.

PRACTICES FOR AN INWARD LIFE

1. Pause and breathe. All of us have to learn to pause more in this ‘doing’ life. This is exactly what the saying “stop and smell the roses” is all about. The breath is ALWAYS in the present moment so taking time to consciously breathe and focus on the breath, helps to practice being present. This practice alone can be life changing.

The breath to practice is slowing down the exhale, preferably through the nose.

Do this 5-10 times a day. Remember to do it by setting an alarm or reminder on your phone or watch. Commit to doing this for 30 days and notice what happens.

2. Sit outside and notice. Being in nature is important for all our bodies and minds. Find a spot on a porch, lawn, park, or trail and sit down. Set a timer for 2 minutes. Then just observe nature through your senses. Notice what you see, hear, smell, feel and maybe even taste.

This practice combines our habit of ‘doing’ with being quiet. It is a way to meet the habit of ‘doing’ with the path towards stillness. Try to do this at least once a day.

3. Get curious about YOUR reactions. We spend so much time wanting everyone else to change, judging them and giving advice. All of this is a way to avoid and distract us from ourselves, thus keeping us further and further away from the peace we desire.

Focus on what you can control, yourself. That’s it. Get to know yourself, your reactions. Become aware of you.

IT TRUELY IS SIMPLE

I know these three practices aren’t flashy and gimmicky. They are simple and most likely you already know about them…you’re just not doing them. All three are practices rooted in traditional teachings of Yoga. This is Yoga for the Mind. Practice is the key to breaking through old patterns and beliefs to create lasting change.

Namaste.

P.S. If you are lost in midlife relationship changes, with your kids, parents, partner, co-workers, or any other relationship, and ready to create lasting, positive change for the next phase of life, please watch my free masterclass – The Find Calm Formula™.