My last stop in North America before heading back to Jeju Island was Vancouver, Canada to visit my dad and his wife. We had one interesting conversation around what to do when interacting with someone who is speaking about information you know is wrong. My dad shared he gets frustrated in those situations, especially around environmental topics. There were two things we talked about – judgment and controlling outcomes. 

These are two areas I personally have been focusing on over the last decade.

I empathize with my dad. It’s challenging when changes are happening that go against values, threaten the health of this earth, and you feel powerless to change it. I’ve definitely been in that place many times.

I let him know that I have found there’s one place I focus on when I’m feeling this way. I turn inward and focus on what I can control.

Traditional Yoga philosophy has helped guide me to integrate three belief shifts, which help me move from feeling powerless to having choice and feeling empowerment. But let’s first look at judgment and the function of it.

FUNCTION OF JUDGEMENT

Judgement is the act of having an opinion about a situation or behavior. Usually the opinion is focused on good or bad, right or wrong, or how you would do something (a should).  Part of participating in a society involves navigating laws, cultural norms, and morals. Judgement has a function of keeping order and safety. 

In regards to a personal sense of safety and control, judgment can give the mind a sense of security. This comes in the action of comparisons and it tends to be a false sense of security. 

I see this happen often with addiction.  Witnessing the negative impacts of someone struggling with addiction,  judging them for their choices, status in life, how they were raised, etc. This is the mind’s way of creating distance with the possibility that we might experience the same thing.

For example: “They were raised by a parent who had an addiction. I wasn’t, so that can’t happen to me.” 

I observed my mind doing this at the start of the pandemic in 2020.  “COVID is happening up valley the ski resorts. I don’t live or work up there so I’m safer.” I had a good laugh over that thought, which was completely false.

Judgment can create separation. ‘Us’ versus ‘them’. This inevitably will create more fear and anxiety for us.

If you are trying to reduce anxious reactions in your life, paying attention to your mind going into judgment is essential. This doesn’t mean falling into self-judgment, i.e. judging yourself for having a judgment.  We are all going to have thoughts of judgement. Being aware of them and getting curious about them helps to shift the mind without creating more judgement, anxiety, and separation. And remember, judgment is not all bad!

3 BELIEF SHIFTS

This is where Yoga comes in. Refining the mind to reduce negativity and increase equanimity towards reactions is an important part of Raja Yoga – Yoga for the Mind. In order to calm the mind and cultivate more lasting peace of mind, the first task is to reduce negativity in the mind. These are the 3 belief shifts that have helped me and most of the women I have worked with the past decade to decrease negative reactions:

1. There is no ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ This is the definition of equanimity. Seeing the ups and downs life brings is similar in nature. All of our experiences are opportunities for learning. All these experiences are moments and will change. Since they change, they are not the ultimate truth of nature and ‘who I am.’ You are not your experiences.

2. I am 100% responsible for my life. This means we are all responsible for what we can control, not what happens to us. We are responsible for how we choose to react or respond to life experiences. Blame is no longer relevant when you truly believe and practice this.

3. I have everything I need within. There is no need to go outside of ourselves to feel better. The root cause is within. So when you react, start to cultivate the habit of turning inward. It’s amazing how empowering this act is. It doesn’t mean you can’t use external resources. It means that you turn inward first and then go outward once you have the clarity of your true needs.

THE ACTION STEP

This is where we all need to start. Just focusing on cultivating these three beliefs until you truly see any reaction you have – good or bad – as just another opportunity to let go of negativity and understand yourself. This is the past to lasting calm and peace of mind…no matter what life brings.

One action to take to cultivate these 3 belief shifts is curiosity. When judgement is replaced with curiosity, there’s no longer a need to defend or separate. A curious mind is open, aware. It seeks information to see a more clear picture. It doesn’t assume it knows the ‘right’ answer. Being curious opens up possibilities and choices. Replace judgement with curiosity.

From these 3 belief shifts, which one will you start focusing on first?

Shanti.

P.S. These 3 beliefs are at the core of my 3-month online program for women stuck in anxious reactions: Inner Roadmap Program. If these beliefs resonate with you and you’re interested in how to integrate them into your life, let’s chat and see if the IRP is a good fit for you. Schedule a free consult call any time here.