How do you know when something just isn’t right? I know for me, there’s a little constriction in my gut and in my throat. My breath is shorter and shallower – it’s harder to take a full breath. Then my mind feels like it has an itch…something’s off. The answer comes from self-awareness.
REACTIONS COMMUNICATE
I had this reaction a number of months ago when I received some feedback. “Twyla, you’re just feeling into this too much.” On one hand, this person was correct that I just needed to make a choice and see what happened. On the other hand…there it was – the itch. Something was off. I let it be, trusting it would keep communicating if it was important.
That ‘itch’ I’ve come to realize is resistance. I’ve also learned that there’s a lot of great information in my resistance reactions. It wasn’t alarming but I could tell my body and mind were trying to communicate with me.
The past couple of weeks that situation came back into my mind. I remembered those words – “Twyla, you’re just feeling into this too much.” Hmmm…was I really? Resistance to this statement was still present. I was more interested in my resistance than trying to figure out the other person’s ‘why’ for saying it.
When I got up a couple nights ago to go to the bathroom and get some water, as I was falling back asleep, clarity hit me in the face. The word I used for one of my free resources was communicating the exact opposite of what the resource intends to teach. One word didn’t sit right with me – ‘Stop’. I chuckled to myself and then the next day made the change in words that matched – ‘Move Through’.
THE PRESSURE TO DO THINGS QUICKLY
In our fast paced, productive-focused, doing-obsessed culture…
We are given the message over and over and over again that it’s weird or wrong to take time to slow down, turn inward, and listen to ourselves. There is a shift beginning to happen as more and more people realize this ‘busyness’ and focusing on ‘more’ is unhealthy and unsustainable. But it’s definitely not the ‘norm’…yet.
The word ‘Stop’ is commanding. There are many great uses for it. I know there are times I tell myself, “Twyla…just stop.” When I do this, it is a way for me to get my own attention. Just like a Stop sign, this word means business. It is used to set boundaries and for safety. Usually, it’s in conjunction with a situation that may be dangerous or risky.
And that’s what we do with our emotional reactions…we use the word ‘stop’ because the belief is that emotions, specifically uncomfortable ones, are ‘bad’ and must be ‘fixed.’
What my experience has been in working with emotional reactions the past 20 years, there is a time for ‘stop’ but that’s rarely the ‘go to’ action. Because, when we go to ‘stop’ with an emotion, we are missing the point of this amazing inner resource. It doesn’t need to be stopped or fixed…it needs to be heard.
It just wants to be heard!
THE DANGER OF STOPPING REACTIONS
When we shut the reaction down without giving it the space to be heard, it gets stuck inside of us. Emotions are energy and energy’s nature is to flow. Like a river, its nature is to flow. When a river gets dammed, sediment builds and builds because the river isn’t flowing. Our emotional energy, when dammed up inside of us, builds up when it can’t move through. Eventually, it becomes toxic.
That toxicity manifests in a number of ways. We become harmful in our actions. We become negative in our thoughts. It becomes toxic to our bodies. This is what is meant when you hear an illness being ‘psychosomatic.’ The energy of unprocessed emotions that has stayed ‘stuck’ in the body negatively affects the functioning of the body and the mind.
The opposite of damming up or stopping emotions, is letting emotions flow, i.e. move through.
This is the action every woman I’ve ever worked with, including myself, struggles with. It is what is fueling, not decreasing, anxious reactions. Letting emotional reactions move through is a practice. Without it, anxious reactions will become toxic.
MOVING THROUGH EMPOWERS
My intention behind the free resource I developed was to give women a practical way to start shifting the mindset around anxious reactions. To go from a negative view, to an empowering view that allows the reaction to move through. And a bonus – learn more about yourself!
The more you understand yourself, the easier it is to know exactly what you need. When you are clear on your needs, you can take action that you know is necessary. Empowering!
A calm mind happens when we trust ourselves to have our back and get the support we need.
It’s like when you get a hug from someone who just ‘gets’ you. Your body just melts and feels safe.
Because I’ve spent years working to understand myself more, that reaction I had months ago was able to move through. It took time. At the moment, I did not listen because of the other person’s desire to find a solution right then and there. All good. I didn’t feel it was urgent enough to press at that moment. But I stayed open to it. I didn’t judge my process as ‘wrong.’
After changing the wording in my free resource, I felt light and open. Not only am I clear within myself, but now I am communicating outward from that place. That communication is more authentic and truthful.
If you would like this free resource – ‘How To Move Through ‘What Ifs’ In 60 Seconds Or Less’ – here’s the link.
Slow down, turn inward, and listen. There’s almost always time for it…even if another person feels urgency in their desire for you to move quickly. Remember, their reaction comes from the belief that when they feel anxious – it has to be fixed.
You get to choose your perspective. You get to take your action.
Shanti.
P.S. I’m going to dive into 4 myths about anxious reactions in my upcoming training on October 1st and 4 truths to cultivate clear understanding within. I invite you to join if you long to find a different way to ‘deal’ or ‘manage’ with reactions. Here’s the link to register.