I was quite intrigued to see two women who are nationally recognized in their fields, who are high energy, action-takers, both announce they are taking some sort of hiatus this summer. I think it’s a wonderful thing. Though most of us might not be able to take 4-14 weeks off, it is important for our mental health that we take some breaks off from doing so much. I believe it’s a great practice of vairagya, or detachment.

What makes it so hard to take breaks in our most valued roles at work or at home? 

YOGA’S ANSWER

Patanjali Yoga Sutras’ answer would be that it’s our attachment to those roles and confusing those roles as ‘who I am.’ I encourage you to reflect on this.

• What are the roles that you spend the most time in? 

• What thoughts keep you from taking breaks from those roles? 

• Are you able to step out of those roles? Why or why not?
• Who would you be if you were no longer in those roles?

Many times, what keeps us from taking breaks from our roles is feeling that everything would fall apart. This is common in the role of parent, caretaker, and jobs that help people. For others, it can be stressful to not have certain roles you are constantly engaged in so that it’s easier to avoid being with yourself. Having idle time to be with yourself can be one of the scariest things in the world.

Our roles are not who we are. How do I know this? Because roles change, right? They aren’t permanent. Who we truly are is permanent and doesn’t change. Yes, there can be a lot of pain associated with loss of a role or a role changing. That comes from our attachment to that role. 

It’s not to say that attachment to a role is ‘bad.’ If you are someone that wants to have less suffering in life and more peace, though, start to reflect on your role attachments and slowly, over time, loosen the grip they have on you.

PRACTICE VAIRAGYA – DETACHMENT

Here are 3 ways to practice this:

• Take time each day to not be in a role by sitting quietly with yourself. Set a timer for 5 minutes and just observe yourself with curiosity. Notice your breath, body sensations, thoughts without judgment. You can increase this silence time with yourself as you become more comfortable.
• Go somewhere for a night, weekend, or week by yourself. Don’t take work, family, or any other obligations with you. If you’re really adventurous, make it a time of silence. Turn off the phone, TV, and any other electronics. Be silent.
• When you have a reaction in one of your roles, remind yourself, “This role of ____ is not who I am. It is an opportunity for me to learn and grow.” See what happens as you shift from “I am a _____” to viewing that role as an experience to learn more about who you really are.

What do all three of these practices have in common? They all are about detaching from the external world and turning inward to cultivate a relationship with yourself. The process of vairagya is to turn more and more inward, using the external world to learn about your internal world. This is how living a more spiritual life, slowly, becomes more simple.

As my teacher says, “Simplify to simply fly.”

Namaste 🙏