I’ve been practicing self-awareness since I was 8 or 9 years old, long before I knew what it was called. There’s a specific moment I remember from third grade when I got fed up with listening to the fear in my head. It kept me from doing what I truly wanted over and over again. I was sick and tired of it. Somehow, I realized I had a choice. I could keep listening to that fear or start to make different choices. In order to do this, I had to let go of the thoughts and beliefs that told me to ‘not hurt or upset anyone’ or be in fear of getting in trouble. At age 48, those old patterns still surface at times.
Over time, I’ve come to regard them as ‘friends.’ They show up when there’s some change I need to make. I know they mean well as they yell out about all the dangers of doing something different. They want to protect me. But that ‘protection’ doesn’t actually keep me safe. It keeps me ‘chained’ to a version of myself that is time move on from, so I can become the next version of ‘Who I Am.’
The truth in change is that it’s a process. Those seeds of fear and doubt have been growing for a long, long time. When they show up, it’s another opportunity for me to let go of a little more.
BEACH CLEAN UPS
I currently live on Jeju Island, which is known as ‘The Hawaii Of South Korea’. It’s a volcanic island that’s pretty lush and surrounded by turquoise blue water. A beautiful place, South Koreans get excited when they hear that we live here. As an island located close to Mainland South Korea, Japan, and China, however, an amazing amount of trash finds its way on to the shoreline.
Local beach clean ups are done to keep the island looking more like an island paradise than a garbage dump. I’ve enjoyed participating in a few and look forward to joining more this Fall season.
Several weeks ago, a friend and I did our own beach clean up. The beach we went to was one she had gone to with her sister a few weeks prior. They had cleaned up much of the bigger trash – buoys, bigger pieces of Styrofoam, plastic jugs, fishing nets, etc.
What was mainly left was smaller bits that were in past high tide lines and blown up by the sea breeze into the greenery surrounding the beach. There was also a lot of micro trash of plastics and Styrofoam that had been broken down by time in the sea and weather. This was the hardest to clean up and will take many more sweeps to reduce.
‘CLEANING UP’ THE MIND
Cleaning up beaches is similar to ‘cleaning up’ or refining the mind. It starts with the ‘big stuff’ and becomes more and more subtle. It’s a process that must be continued. Who knows really where it all started or came from. All that we have control over is facing what is happening right now.
It’s common when I work with a woman who is just taking the first step to make changes within herself, that she feels confused and overwhelmed. She knows she can’t keep living life the way she has been. But she has no idea how it can be done differently and needs help to move forward. This is like the first ‘big item’ beach clean up.
A whole new world opens up. She will gain new awareness and perspective. It might be the first time she’s ever noticed how her emotions, thoughts, and behaviors affect each other. She will learn new skills that help her feel better in the moment. There’s awareness how reaching for ‘quick-fixes’ have become self-destructive and are holding her back. Most likely with this first go around, she’ll feel lighter as she finally faces things she’s been terrified to look at. She may even feel like a different person.
Like seeing a huge pile of full trash bags after the effort – it feels satisfying. Witnessing the beach significantly cleaner brings a smile of joy. When we face the fears we’ve been avoiding for years, the mind also feels freer, more confident and capable. Most women will take a break at that point. Things are going well so they continue on with their lives. A lot of them share their experience and encourage their friends to seek out support to ‘clean up’ so they can feel better too.
CLEAN UPS ARE AN ONGOING PROCESS
What I’ve found here on Jeju, as well as with the mind, is that if beach cleanup doesn’t keep happening, quickly the trash builds up again. When we feel better, typically any of the practices that got us there are slowly stopped and life goes back to usual. But there are many layers of the mind to be refined in order to let go of all that limits us.
Many times I’ve been above a beach from a view point and it looks clear and clean. The black sand meets the turquoise blue tantalizing the eyes. Then when I walk out onto the beach, I get a closer look and there are so many smaller pieces of trash all over – from the high tide lines, to what is hidden in the sand, rocks and flora. There is more to clean up.
A common sentence I hear from women who have gone through the initial ‘clean up’ of their mind is ‘I thought I dealt with that.’ The assumption is it’s a ‘one and done’ thing with the mind. But for those women who have had those glimpses of seeing themselves in a different light, falling back into ‘old ways’ of dealing with pain and stress of life is no longer tolerated. Kind of like someone who becomes somber from alcohol and their tolerance decreases. It’s not that there’s more that’s limiting us, it’s that there is less tolerance to feeling that way and a desire to find more peace and clarity again.
This is actually a sign that you’re on the right path.
STORMS WILL HAPPEN
This is when the reality settles in that becoming who you truly are is not like healing a broken bone. Put a cast on it, let it heal, do some PT, and you’re good to go. Seemingly ‘big feeling’ traumas of life come from deeper rooted belief systems and patterns that take time and consistent practice to change and let go.
The beaches in Jeju that have regular beach clean ups have less trash overall and much of the smaller pieces have also been removed. They are wonderful places to enjoy the ocean and feel calm and relaxing. For some locals, beach clean ups are part of their weekly life to continue to enjoy a beautiful coastline.
When a storm comes in and washes more ocean trash onto the shores, it’s all easier to remove and doesn’t take much time or effort. This is the same with the mind.
PART OF LIFE
Since I’ve worked on my mind for 4 decades, when the storm of reaction happens, I know exactly what I need to do to move through it and ‘clean’ things up. I’m human, so of course there’s still pain, reactions, and hard times in my life. But I see them with more clarity. They don’t scare me so I face them when they are happening because I know that moves me through the reaction to a calm response.
An amazing ‘byproduct’ of participating in beach clean ups has been the impact on my own behavior regarding trash. How I sort it, questioning what I buy, reusing even more. Overall, working on simplifying my life to create less trash.
Not surprisingly, this is also what happens when you work on refining your mind. Your very way of life shifts. What you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to, who you spend your time with, how you spend your time, what you value and prioritize. Refining the mind becomes a way of life.
REFLECTION
Where are you at?
- Starting with your first mind ‘cleaning’,
- In need of re-engaging with the process so you can integrate ‘cleaning’ as a maintenance action for your wellbeing.
- Ready to shift your lifestyle so that a clear, calm, steady mind is a way of life.
Shanti.
P.S. Reach out if you’d like to chat about where you’re feeling at and where you’d like to be with your reactions. Schedule a call here any time.