The only person that stops you from doing things is yourself.  I learned this first hand in 2014 when I became curious hearing myself say, “I can’t.” I was able to turn ‘I can’t’ into ‘I can.’ Letting go of a story and taking action were all I needed to let things unfold and move forward.

When I was doing Wilderness Therapy, after getting my Masters in Social Work from 2005-07, ‘I can’t’ was a phrase that I would not tolerate with my teenage clients. To me, what this phrase really means is “I won’t.” Just moving from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I won’t’ is powerful. One is a cop-out, an excuse. The other is taking responsibility for a choice.

CHOICE BRINGS POWER

Owning a choice brings power back to us. It’s taking a stand for yourself. 

For some reason, when I told my Yoga teacher after a second invite to the next level of Yoga Teacher Training, “I can’t,” my mind retorted, “Says who?”

I knew that I wanted to join my teacher in India the following spring to continue my studies but my mind was running through the reasons it wasn’t going to happen. These thoughts were just stories and assumptions. They had no proof behind them. I didn’t want to deal with conflict that might happen or feel disappointed. The easy way was to not even try but it’s definitely not what I wanted.

Fear of other people’s reactions wanted me to just keep my head down and do business as usual.

EXPLORE REACTIONS

In realizing this, I was able to explore the reasons my mind had for why I wouldn’t be able to make the training work. Lo and behold, none of those reasons were 100% true. My supervisor at work was supportive, plane tickets were the lowest I’d seen them to India, and my partner told me it was my decision to make.

Little did I know that this training would start me on my journey towards creating Samya Yoga Healing. 

We never know what will actually happen in the future. There will be ups and downs in whatever you do, so do you want to listen to the thoughts that are fear-based? Or listen to those that are open to possibility and conscious change? 

TRICK OF THE MIND

As I’ve been talking to women who have a desire to work with me, it is heartbreaking to watch someone talk themselves out of something that resonates positively in their heart. The most common story is around money. I can’t afford it…when we haven’t even discussed pricing. They have no idea if that’s a true statement or not and shy away from facing it.

Reading between the lines, the message here is really “I’m not ready to invest in myself.”  What keeps these women from believing that they are worth the investment of time, effort and finances for mental wellbeing? When I ask them this, most just disappear and I don’t hear from them again.

They are not ready to work with me and do the work to face themselves. All good. Just know, it’s not because “I can’t afford it,” it’s “I won’t invest in myself yet.” 

CHANGE ISN’T EASY

When I realized that I was the one stopping myself from continuing my Yoga studies and decided to do the opposite and listen to my heart, I had to make some difficult choices. I had to work extra hours, let go of other trips planned and spend less money in other areas. But I was worth it. It was a life changing experience, even though I had no idea of that at the time I signed up.

It’s not easy to step outside our comfort zones to do things differently. And if we don’t stretch the comfort zone, we will never learn and grow. Think about this. When are the times in your life that you’ve had the most growth?

The amazing thing about the women I have had the honor to work with is when shifts happen in their stories. Instead of why things won’t work or the ‘what ifs,’ all the sudden there becomes curiosity and possibility. By challenging limiting stories, they are able to see there’s more to life than they thought. It’s like the fog of fear dissolves and the expanse of blue sky comes into view.

TURN ‘I CAN’T’ INTO ‘I CAN’

You are the only person who can tell you when to stretch your comfort zone and when to stay put. 

Your calling and your purpose will not be the same as someone else’s. What I can tell you is that the only way to figure out what to do is to stop and listen to your reactions. Get curious about them and see where that curiosity leads you.

When you hear yourself say, “I can’t,” make sure to question yourself. Who is saying this and why?

Remember, you alone can be a best friend that lifts you up and you alone can be a worst enemy that brings you down. (Bhagavad Gita, 6.5) It’s your choice.

Take some time to explore where ‘I can’t’ is showing up in your life. This might be exactly what is keeping you stuck.

Namaste.

P.S. I’m looking for 3 women lost in midlife relationship changes that know the time is now to start doing things differently, even if you’re just not sure how. Reach out if you’re interested to find balance and purpose for the next phase of life: tlgingrich@samyayogahealing.com