What is it about going on vacation? I have heard many women share with me that if they could just bottle up their vacation mind and bring it into their daily life, they’d find the peace and calm they desire. Getting on that plane or pulling away from the driveway can bring up a sense of freedom that is hard to find in daily life.

VACATION MIND IN DAILY LIFE?

I’ve been reflecting on this question for years! I just finished reading ‘The Great Circle ‘ by Marian Graves for a book club. As I was going over some of the book club questions at the end, I went back and reread the end of each character’s story. One word stuck out that was similar to both stories – FREE.

Huh… I sat with this word for a bit and thought about feeling free and a sense of freedom. 

Right now, having a ‘calm mind’ is buzzing around everywhere. So much so that this is what many women are now striving for and trying to find quick ways to feel calm. Because feeling calm is ‘good’ and anything short of this is ‘not good enough.’ There are a flood of apps, podcasts, gadgets, supplements, and tools to get calm now. It’s a big business!

Now, yes, a calm mind is important for mental health and wellbeing. It’s what I help women work towards in my business. But trying to get there quickly does nothing to calm the mind…and sometimes creates more stress when something is ‘supposed to’ calm your mind and it doesn’t. 

For me, a calm mind is one that is ‘free’ from rumination, over-excitement, worry, and striving. It is being present and enjoying what is happening now. Also, a calm mind rests in trust that the future will unfold and that you are capable of meeting it. In essence, it is feeling ‘free’ to be one’s self. 

This word ‘free’ is a part of calm, which I hadn’t really thought about much before.

IS VACATION MIND TRUE FREEDOM?

There’s a metaphor that the real prison is our mind. Someone who is out in the world can be in prison more than a person who is physically sitting in prison due to their mind state, perception, and attitude. Many Traditional Yoga philosophies use this metaphor to show the importance of state of mind, more so than physical location.

What both characters in the book were struggling with was feeling trapped by their lives, relationships, societal norms and beliefs, and their own perceptions. Both wanted to find freedom from all of this. One of the characters thought she had found it by flying…until she realized the very thing that was her mode of freedom was going to lead to her death unless she let go of it.

Vairagya means detachment or letting go of what limits us. It’s a process, not a technique, that happens over time by experiencing life. This process encourages getting to know our reactions through self-awareness. Then, from self-awareness, cultivating discernment (viveka) about how we want to use the information we’ve gathered. Use it to grow and evolve or continue to stay stuck in the same patterns? Staying stuck prolongs suffering, while letting go lightens the load so you can move.

MY PERSONAL EXAMPLE

I’ll give a personal example with retail therapy. In my younger years, to make myself feel better, I would go shopping. It felt so good to go out in a new outfit and get compliments. I remember from a young age being so excited to wear something new. The anticipation of it made me feel happy and It would bring me out of negativity – for a little bit. 

Sometimes though, I would feel disappointed when no one noticed me in my new duds or, as I got older, I’d order something and it ended up not fitting. In the former, I might not even wear those clothes again because of the lack of validation. In the latter, returning clothes through the mail meant spending more money along with the disappointment. So, buying the item would lift me up, but getting the item would bring me back down at times.

As I began to engage with Yoga more regularly and learn about some of the Yoga teachings beyond poses, I began noticing my reactions more closely. I noticed that retail therapy wasn’t bringing me the relief I was trying to get from it. And in the long run, it even made things worse in some situations. Slowly, it started to lose its appeal.

USING YOGA

I remember one day when I started to think about getting some new clothes, scrolling online to look at the new styles coming out. I observed my heart rate and breath rate increase. My temperature slightly increased. My mind was excited about the possibilities of some of the clothing it saw. I imagined what it would feel like to wear the clothing which fed the urge to buy it.

Instead, I paused, and asked myself why I thought I needed more clothes. The discovery was that there was actually no need. It was purely a want. I had been feeling more low energy that day and just ‘window shopping’ brought my energy level up. I was craving an energy boost.

Then, I asked myself to remember what happens, typically, when I buy clothes to feel better. I went through the scenario and concluded that it doesn’t make me feel better. I wondered what might feel better, in that moment, to meet my low energy. ’Go for a walk outside,’ was the answer that came to me. So, I got off the couch and tried it.

Lo’ and behold, I felt better, more energy, better mood, and I still had the same amount of money in my bank account.

I gave myself FREEDOM. I was free to notice my reaction, question and be curious about my behavior, and try something different, instead of mindlessly being controlled by my reaction.

TRUE FREEDOM AND EMPOWERMENT

Fast forward more than a decade and I have completely different habits around shopping. I was able to detach from the urge to shop by practicing pausing, curiosity, discernment, and trying a different action. This process done over and over, has decreased the hold my habit of ‘retail therapy’ had on me. Now, I am more ‘free’ to consciously be with myself in the moment and discern what I’m ACTUALLY needing. 

This has become my definition of EMPOWERMENT.

I don’t need more clothes…I just need to connect to myself.

Being free isn’t a place, a vacation spot. It is becoming YOU. Being free from all the expectations, obligations, beliefs of how you are ‘supposed to be’…

Then, finding out your own values and beliefs frees you to start living a life you enjoy.

What is it about going on vacation that is freeing for you?

How can you bring that same mindset or attitude into your daily life? 

Shanti.

P.S. Any time you’re ready to talk with me about how to find more lasting calm and freedom in daily life, I invite you to schedule a Connection Call with me. Let’s figure out what you really need and some steps you can take to get you there!