Do you know what’s going on in your mind? 

When I ask this question to my clients, it’s not uncommon for most people to have no idea what I’m talking about. “I’ve never thought about that before,” is a common response. 

Most people start working with me because they aren’t feeling good about their moods, emotional reactions, and relationships. The common denominator in these three reasons is self. All the turmoil begins within. Yet, few people understand what’s going on inside of their body and mind.

Instead, the focus is external. The issue is “my boss,” “my kids,” “my husband/wife/partner,” “my neighbor,” “the company,” “political parties,” “rich people/ poor People,” traffic, weather, seasons…the list goes on and on. We blame ‘the other,’ which we have no control over. It’s like flushing our power down the toilet. It keeps us from accepting and addressing what is really going on inside of us.

This creates powerlessness. Ever felt this way? Maybe you’ve even been feeling that way recently?

MOVE FROM REACTION TO RESPONSE

To feel empowered and effectively deal with mood, emotional reactions and relationships, you must learn what is going on in your mind. 

One practice that is essential to know what’s going on in your mind is acceptance.

Accepting that whatever is happening, is happening.

Bless our innate survival system! It has gotten us from a one cell being and evolving billions of years to our current human state. You and I wouldn’t be here without it. But that survival system is the most basic system within us that we have in navigating this world. And sometimes it keeps us from accepting the present moment as it is.

When a situation happens, our mind and body tap into memory to navigate the present. They make sure the situation is safe and if anything doesn’t register as safe, a reaction will ensue.  If the current experience reminds the mind-body of some cue that is similar to a cue from the past, we react. This is subconscious and happens without our awareness…if you aren’t in the habit of paying attention.

It’s not bad or good, it’s just part of the system we’ve been given. But, we can learn to override this reaction system to navigate the present by focusing on what is happening in the present, not the past. Acceptance is a key to this.

PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE

Something as little as seeing my husband’s three pairs of socks laying balled up next to the clothes hamper may elicit a reaction of frustrated anger. If I have no awareness of this response, I can spend the next five minutes (or longer) in a thought tirade about the injustice of these socks being outside of the hamper. The belief that they were put there on purpose just to piss me off takes over. In this case, my mind is fighting accepting the fact that my expectation is creating my reaction, not the socks.

OR

Practicing acceptance of the situation, I can admit to myself that I am upset there are socks on the floor next to the hamper. From that place of accepting and owning my reaction, I can take conscious actions to face that anger response. This usually helps me to move through it, consciously decide what I want to do with this information, and respond instead of react. Maybe I slow down my breath to calm my mind. Then explore my reaction a bit and see options for how to address the situation.

What do you think the outcomes might possibly be between these two scenarios? What can accepting the present moment ‘as is’ do that fighting against it might not do?

Take a moment to put yourself in this situation and play out the two different scenarios. What happens? What do you notice in your body with each? In your mind?

KNOWING YOUR MIND IS EMPOWERMENT

By practicing acceptance:

• It slows down the reaction.
• You come to the present moment.
• Options open up.
• With options, there are choices, which creates empowerment.
• It decreases powerlessness.

I know, it’s crazy to think about something as simple as accepting what is happening, right now, in the present, can create such a big change. But, as I’ve tried it over and over again, I’m amazed how quickly it diffuses my reaction.

As a bonus, acceptance also helps you to get to know yourself better, which in turn positively affects every relationship in your life. 

So, if moods, emotional reactions, and relationship issues have been causing negativity and stress in your life for a while, explore what you are struggling to accept. I guarantee, the feeling of powerlessness and ‘stuckness’ will start to shift.

And, one last point to remember, doing it differently by working on acceptance, will take time to master. Be kind to yourself as you make the changes you desire.

Shanti.