There is a lot of pain in the world. And we are wired at a basic, biological level to avoid and escape pain. But if we always let that reaction control us, we end up living from a fear state. The other aspect of life as a human is all the love that is also present in the world.  It’s easy to lose sight of this, especially with 24 hour news at our finger tips, that brings us pain from around the world constantly. It gives the misperception that everything is ‘bad’ and the world is falling apart. Only this is just part of the story. Is there a way to use global news as inspiring and motivating, instead of becoming negative and cynical? I believe there is…

I have learned through years of practice and observation to maintain sanity, I have to titrate my interaction with the news. This means dip in and out of it. Because too much of it overwhelms me and moves me into inaction paralysis. When there are painful things going on in my life, inundating myself with other people’s pain can make it even worse. And when I hit a period of less sleep for whatever reason – menopause, active mind, later nights – that just makes it even harder. Which is why daily practices, reminders, and connection with supportive communities are invaluable to keep in mind connected to the bigger picture.

FEELING SAD AND UNMOTIVATED

This past week I hit a period of a few days where I just felt more sad, irritable, and unmotivated.  I felt a toe dip in the pool of powerlessness and cynicism. Over years of self-observation and inquiry, I have come to recognize that when I get to this point, it’s a red flag that I’m focusing on fixing the world versus being present. The actions I choose to take from these two places are very different. One I have control over, the other I don’t.

Part of the sadness came from the news of yet another mass shooting that took the lives of Fletcher Merkel and Harper Moyski and injured 18 others. The sadness comes from many things:

• Living in a time where mass shootings are a regular occurrence that fuels feeling unsafe for so many people.
• The pain that parents, families, and the communities these human beings touched are experiencing.
• Hearing from my husband that high school graduates here in South Korea ask him once they decide to accept admission into a US University, “Will I be safe?”
• That my intention to increase ahimsa and satya (non-violence and truthfulness) in the world seems so far away.
• Knowing there are other ways to move through pain than to create more of it.

I used to get really angry when hearing about what I view as ‘senseless’ violence, death, and pain…not only in the United States but in the world. I would get fired up, throw myself into action to do what I could to try and fix it. Then I would burn out quickly from trying to control things and end up feeling powerless, depressed. The story of ‘why bother’ would take over for a bit, until I realized that didn’t solve anything. I’d start living life again, stuffing how I felt…until this pattern was stimulated again with news of more senseless violence.

Up, down, up, down.  My mind continuing to search for a way I could contribute to fixing the world.

‘FIXING’ TO FEEL BETTER

It wasn’t until I went through my first Yoga teacher training with my dear teacher, Prasad Rangnekar, that I realized my attitude focused on ‘fixing things’ was actually the thing keeping me stuck in this cycle. And I know I’m not alone!  Many of us experience this pattern. It’s normal to feel sadness, anger, despair, empathy along with a desire to change things and make the world a better place. 

BUT…

Because we view the world as broken, needing to be fixed – we suffer even more.

Last night I thought I had broken the rice cooker in our kitchen. I accidentally pulled off part of the silicone ring that seals the rice cooker while I was cleaning it. Trying to get it back in place was impossible to do myself. I’d get part of it on and the opposite side would come off. It took four hands and one chopstick to finally get it back on. That is what a ‘fixing’ mentality can feel like. No matter what you do to ‘fix’ the world…it feels like an impossible task.

Why are we so focused on fixing things? I have found over and over that it comes from our own, unresolved emotional pain.

It comes from a desire to stop the painful feelings that are stimulated when we witness and experience pain. We don’t want to feel this way so we do whatever we can to escape it – like try and ‘fix’ it. When our actions don’t get the results we want…

We fall into negativity, powerlessness, and inertia. “Why bother?” Apathy takes over. “I can’t change this, so I should just get used to it.” We take actions to forget how we feel, stuff how we feel. Still focusing on escaping how we feel.

MOVE THROUGH PAIN WITH ACCEPTANCE

When I share that another way of meeting our own pain and the world’s pain starts with acceptance, it’s met with skepticism and resistance.

And I get it. Acceptance can seem like giving up. Throwing the towel in. But this form of acceptance is actually apathy.

Apathy happens when there is lack of feeling. When we are disconnected from our emotions, apathy is the result. Whatever actions we take from this place of lack and disconnect, fuel the fire of separation. ‘Me versus Them’; ‘They deserved it’; ‘It’s not my fault’ – are all common thought patterns when we disconnect from our feelings. It’s a way to survive when one feels powerless, helpless and overwhelm. It’s a passive state of inertia. And I definitely had some of this creeping in last week.

On the other hand, the definition of acceptance that leads to inspiration and motivation is accepting the present moment as it is. It is done without judgement, which is the hard part. This form of acceptance is highly active. To go from our programming of apathy, or anger, when the outcome we desire doesn’t happen…to being present without judgement and understanding the reality of the present – it takes time, practice, and effort.

Why?

Because the belief that the world is broken and needs to be fixed is familiar and comfortable. We’ve been practicing it our whole life! It takes time to unlearn this programming. Even if it’s creating more pain and suffering for us. To change that belief and our actions requires lots of repetition in doing it differently.

GETTING ‘REAL’ WITH MYSELF

When I got ‘real’ with myself and how I was feeling for a few days, I observed that apathy was knocking at my door. I was struggling to do my work from a place of compassion and love. I just wanted to veg out, which I tried for a couple of days.  When it didn’t change anything, actually I felt worse, it reminded me why I practice acceptance.

Facing this reality, I was able to then get curious about what I needed – connection. I needed to feel that my part in this world does matter. So I took action to connect back to myself, my purpose, and my beliefs. And, I started to write this blog.

My focus and motivation have increased, my ability to set boundaries with myself has come back, and my actions feel rooted back in a compassionate place.

Acceptance of what is happening right now is powerful. It brings us to the present, allows understanding, and brings clarity. All of this calms the nervous system. By facing our reactions – emotions, thoughts, body sensations – we move through them and find the calm relief, clarity, and choice we need.

ACCEPTANCE THROUGH SELF-AWARENESS

Are you feeling stuck right now?

Take time to cultivate acceptance by noticing:

1. What is happening right now? Just the facts, not an interpretation or judgement.
2. What emotions are present?
3. What body sensations do I observe with these emotions in my body?
4. What thoughts or dialogue is going on in my mind right now?
5. What do I need to feel safe and loved that isn’t happening right now?

Some of these questions might feel strange and you might not have an answer right away. Go with what you do know. Accept what you are able to observe. It might also take time to understand your needs. Many women have been taught to ignore their needs or that their needs don’t matter. It will take time and practice to feel comfortable with identifying your needs or taking action to fulfill those needs.

You may feel discomfort – which is normal! That’s part of what happens as stuck emotions move through.

It is okay to be kind to yourself as you do things differently. In fact this might even be one of your unmet needs!

Reach out if you want help on moving from a ‘fix it’ reaction to a response that comes from fully accepting what it is. Whether to me or another trusted support. Having someone to hold space while you move through emotions can make all the difference. Humans thrive in community. We need reassurance that we are not alone.

Shanti.

P.S. The Inner Roadmap™ Program is where I teach women the foundation of how to shift from stuck in emotional reactions to move through to a calm, clear response and face conflict confidently. If you want to know more about it, I’d love to connect. You can schedule a free Connection Call here any time.