I’ve worked with a lot of human beings in a lot of different ways over the past two decades. From kiddos to teenagers. From young adults to adults nearing the end of life. In an office, out in the middle of the wilderness. Sometimes one-on-one, other times in groups. All ways have their pluses and minuses, of course. But, what I’ve found that works best for those who are looking to become their best self, move past limiting reactions and patterns, is actually what has been practiced for thousands of years.

NEW OVER WHAT WORKS

Modern day mentality is focused often on ‘new’, ‘better’, ‘innovative.’

What can get lost with this mentality is getting rid of what is working and has worked for a long time. ‘Throwing the baby out with the bathwater’ is the expression that comes to my mind.

If you are reading this, you are a human being. What makes us human?

Humans are social animals. We are wired to find safety and comfort amongst others. When this isn’t happening, our system starts to fire up the emergency alarm system, starting with a ‘code orange.’ This looks like dis-ease, feeling uncomfortable, having a hunch something is off but not quite sure what.

OUR EMERGENCY RESPONSE SYSTEM

If our system is working properly, our ‘emergency response team’ will start gathering data, analyze it and then take action to move out of ‘code orange.’ Unfortunately, most of us haven’t been taught this part of the manual, for whatever reason.

Instead, what often happens is when we feel dis-ease and uncomfortable we either:

– Quickly turn off the alarm and try to quickly move out of the emergency response by brushing things under the rug and pushing through, hoping the problem will go away.. (A good movie/book example of this is the behavior of the principal in the YA book/movie “Moxie”).

– Press the ‘code red’ button and escalate things unnecessarily. “Freaking out” is a good term for this. It often leads to being out-of-control, led by fear reactions.

To ‘fix’ the malfunctioning emergency response system, we tend to do more of the same – either not enough (a quick, fix, low-cost solution that doesn’t require much effort or commitment) or too much (get on medication and go to years of talk therapy). Then there’s frustration to why nothing changes.

MY FRUSTRATION AS A THERAPIST

I was frustrated often when I was doing one-on-one therapy in an office with women because I was expected to meet with someone for an hour a week or every other week. Then, they’d leave and I’d be left hoping they would practice. Hoping again that changes would start happening with no other support from me for the rest of the 167 hours of the week before we met again.

Yes, individual therapy can be effective in some situations, but it’s not the most cost and time-effective way of changing. It also typically goes on far longer than necessary too.

A BETTER WAY

There’s a Sanskrit saying that I learned years ago from my teacher about spiritual knowledge, i.e. understanding the whole self:

Knowledge of the Self comes 1 ⁄ 4 from a guru (spiritual teacher), 1 ⁄ 4 from Sangha (spiritual-minded community), 1 ⁄ 4 from Svadhaya (self-study), and 1 ⁄ 4 from wisdom (maturity over time).

The way individual therapy typically goes is a person goes to an ‘expert’ who will assess them and then give that person a diagnosis. From that diagnosis, the therapist will give the client some things to think about and to practice at home, which is part of a treatment plan. This is repeated until ‘symptoms’ decrease or another approach is recommended. I rarely talk with someone who’s gone to therapy before and can tell me the practices they learned and continue to use.

This is the same model used in the medical field, which no longer works well for anything that can’t be assessed and diagnosed in 15 minutes.

What I’ve found is most helpful in unlearning old, limiting emotional reactions is the more well-rounded approach of Traditional Yoga.

HOW TO TAKE ACTION

Start with one of the first three elements – find a ‘teacher’, find a supportive community, or start self-study. From there, work on implementing all three in your life. Stay committed to having these 3 elements in your life consistently and wisdom will be integrated over time.

This ‘system’ supports our human nature well – knowing we aren’t alone, having a guide when we need it, and learning to have trust and faith in ourselves. Being fully supported in this way helps the process of change to turn more and more inward, where we actually reside. Finally, the root of the problem can be addressed rather than just pacifying symptoms.

Continuing to give up your power, never learning to trust your innate wisdom, and only looking outside yourself for solutions keeps our emergency response system in its unbalanced state. The pattern of that state is going from overreacting to underreacting, overreacting to underreacting. It’s exhausting and doesn’t serve anyone in the long run. In fact, it makes things worse in our relationships and health.

START WITH ONE

Again, my suggestion is to try something ‘revolutionary,’ which is really just what has been helpful for thousands of years:

If you don’t have any support or practices, choose one: find a trusted ‘teacher’, find a supportive community, or start self-study.

If you already do one, start cultivating the other two into your life.

And remember, it will take time to create a well-running emergency response system that’s been unbalanced for your entire life. But don’t let that deter you! The changes that happen in the process will keep you moving forward and inspired. Stay focused on where you want to go.

Namaste.

PS. If you want a jumpstart in becoming a master of yourself while reconnecting with your most important relationships, you are a woman in midlife ready to make changes now, and you want to see what it’s like to transform in this ancient, wholistic system – book a free, 60-minute call with me to find out more.