I have made statements in the past that ‘worry is the most energy draining emotion…it is wasted energy.’ While this has some truth, it’s not the whole story. In fact,  only believing worry is wasted energy creates separation from self, which then increases worry. The more separated we are from ourselves, the less clarity we have. Clarity creates trust and understanding, which decreases worry. But, in order to get to clarity, we have to face worry. So we actually need to use worry to find clarity…which can seem counterintuitive. Let’s see how worry can go from wasted energy to empowerment.

JUDGING WORRY

I, personally, have done many years of intentional work to let go of worries, be more present and find clarity.  In this process, there have been times when judgement has shown up in the form of shoulds, wishful thinking, and beating myself up for feeling worry.

“Why am I wasting my energy worrying about this! Why can’t I just chill out?”

These are statements of judgement. From my personal experience, when my mind judges others or myself, it comes from a place of protection and a desire to disconnect from pain to feel better. But in the end, when I judge, I don’t feel better. Instead, I feel guilty and disappointed in myself because I’ve added more negative energy towards myself and into the world. This is not how I want to treat others or myself.

Also, this judgement of worry as wasted energy goes against my values of non-violence (ahimsa) and truthfulness (satya).

I’m reminded of this quote by Marshall Rosenberg: “Judgment of others are alienated expressions of our own unmet needs.” It is applicable when I judge myself as well as towards others.

This statement eloquently says what I’ve observed for a while: My reactions reflect a blind spot that I have in my relationship to myself. I react because I’m not listening and understanding myself. Then I also react to others who remind my subconscious of that part within me which I am trying to avoid, ignore, or escape.

When I judge worry as ‘wasted energy’ and ‘a draining emotion’, it also goes against two facts I’ve come to understand about emotions:

• Emotions are neither good nor bad, they are just emotions
• Emotions are the way the mind-body system communicates

VIEWING EMOTIONS DIFFERENTLY

First, emotions are neither good nor bad, they are just emotions.

I first heard this wisdom from my dear Yoga teacher, Prasad Rangnekar. It resonated with me, so I began to explore it. This is one of the beautiful things about traditional Yoga (meaning Yoga as a path to self-understanding and self-development): Wisdom is shared and then the next step is to explore and test that wisdom to find what is true. Direct experience is highly valued in Yoga.

One of the verses in the Bhagavad Gita echoes this wisdom. It states that when we can remain equal in our mind towards duality, suffering ends.(BG 2.52) Instead of judging things as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ understanding the underlying ‘sameness’ ends judgement. Without judgement, there is no tension, thus suffering disappears. 

With emotions, it is our ‘analysis’ of the emotion that creates a sense of good or bad. Typically, we think of emotions that feel good as ‘good’ and positive. Those that feel bad are ‘bad’ and ‘negative.’ The action to take is getting rid of bad and keeping the good. That black and white thinking, though, does us a HUGE disservice. 

Emotions are just energy. This is the underlying ‘sameness.’ If we view emotions in this way, then the focus can shift from ‘fixing’ to allowing that energy to flow through. Fixing creates an obstacle that blocks the flow. Holding space and accepting that energy is there, removes obstacles so that energy can move through the body and mind.

Being aware of thoughts, examining them, and refocusing them is key to allowing emotions to move through instead of getting stuck.

AWARENESS OF THOUGHTS

In Patanjali Yoga Sutras, any thoughts are referred to as fluctuations of the mind or vrritis. Those vrritis are separated into 5 categories that can only be identified through taking time to examine the thought. (PYS 1.2, 1.5) This is called discernment or viveka. If we go with the initial black and white thinking – viewing a thought as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, then we might get rid of thinking that is actually helpful. There are many thoughts that at first may seem negative but in the end bring joy that would be tossed to the side. The opportunity for joy is gone. 

An example of this is thinking a task is ‘hard’ so talking yourself out of doing it. If I want to start exercising to lose some weight, there is going to be pain involved, not only from soreness in my body as I start to move it, but also times when I don’t want to exercise. If I listen to the thought that makes excuses why I can’t exercise today, then I won’t lose the weight. But, if I can remember why I decided to exercise and remember how good I feel afterwards, I will motivate myself and take action. The thought that exercise is ‘hard’ was initially causing me pain but exploring it leads to a positive outcome.

The opposite can also happen. Thoughts that first feel awesome can lead us to pain and negativity. So if we keep those, we may suffer even more! 

“That piece of chocolate cake was so good! I should have another” feels good to our mind, taste buds and stomach. But going with that thought may create a stomach ache and lethargy that ends up causing pain.

It is more helpful to broaden the view from ‘good and bad’ emotions to simply seeing all emotions as an equal opportunity to learn and grow.

EMOTIONS ARE COMMUNICATION

Second, emotions are the way the mind-body system communicates.

When I pause and listen to understand an emotional reaction, there’s less room for judgement. By slowing down the urge to protect myself from painful thoughts and attach to ones that bring pleasure, there’s space for more possibilities. Inevitably, I find the calm and peace I desire, i.e. that ‘feel good’ outcome. This can only happen within this wider space. And, there’s no additional ‘side effect’ of guilt and disappointment.

Worry is a communication of protection. It’s trying to get my attention because it wants to protect me. Just like a parent who wants to ensure the safety of their child. But, the reality is this isn’t 100 percent possible.  A parent can’t be around their child 24/7 for the rest of their life. Teaching a child how to face challenges and problem solve can ensure they are capable when their parent isn’t around. 

I know that worry is usually looking at the future and reacting to the numerous possibilities it’s thought of, but hasn’t occurred. So, the worry reaction is about possible outcomes, not what is actually happening at the moment. By taking time to listen, I can reassure my mind, bring it back to the present and reflect on what is in my control.

Worry now becomes a tool of empowerment.

That’s a much different view of worry than wasted energy!

START PRACTICING

Try it! Instead of continuing to subscribe to emotions as something negative that creates weakness, view them as communication that can be used to empower you. Here’s a video to help with the process of self-awareness with emotions.

Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or want to know more about how to shift from worry that creates blocks for you to worry that empowers you.

Shanti.

P.S. Whether it’s worry, anxiety, anger, or any other difficult emotion and reaction that you feel stuck in, there is another way! And it doesn’t involve prescriptions, years of therapy, or adding more activities to your busy schedule. If you’re curious, feel free to schedule a Connection Call with me any time.