LOL Okay, okay. There aren’t any ‘wrong’ self-care practices. But, there are those that are more effective and longer lasting than others. And your definition of self-care might also be keeping you stuck.
EXTERNAL SELF-CARE
Exercise has long been something I’ve enjoyed, combining it with getting outside. It helps my body stay in shape and allows my mind to let go of the stresses of the day. Yoga asana (poses) are another helpful tool to care for my body and take a break from the day. But, inevitably, when I get sick or have an injury, both of these resources become limited or aren’t accessible for a bit of time. Then, I watch my mind, after a couple days, start to get frustrated and feel down.
This cycle of being in shape, feeling good, having a positive mindset and then swinging to a negative mindset when ill or injured. Up and down, up and down. The thing is, no matter what I do, eventually my body has its issues. But why does my mind have to go down with the ship too?
Part of the problem is when we define ‘self-care’ as only focused on external activities, when those activities aren’t accessible or available, it makes it hard to be caring when our minds get down. When I finally started to accept that my body isn’t the only tool for acts of self-care and changed my definition of self-care, I was able to keep my mental state more steady when my body struggled.
DEFINE SELF-CARE
Let’s first look at the word ‘self-care.’
What does care mean? (I encourage you to explore this for yourself).
It can mean an action, caring, which involves actions that show support. Or it can mean a mental state of supporting something or someone. That’s another way to think of it, as being supportive. What are the ways you can be supportive to yourself?
When you hear the word ‘self,’ what comes to your mind?
Most likely it’s thinking about the body, how you feel, what you think. From a Yoga perspective, these are all things that change with time. Sometimes over years and sometimes multiple times in a day. Since they change, they actually aren’t your True Self.
Avidya is the Sanskrit term for ignorance of our True Self. Raja Yoga, from Patanjali Yoga Sutras, defines Avidya as the main obstacle that keeps our mind from finding peace. It is a misidentification of who ‘I’ am, which is the cause of our suffering in life. When you are caring for yourself, what is the self that you are actually caring for?
Before I dove into Yoga as a lifestyle practice, my list of self-care included the following:
- Getting exercise
- Eating well
- Staying hydrated
- Getting a haircut and style
- Getting a massage
- Treating myself to a bubble bath
- Taking a vacation
- Being outside in nature
SHORT-LIVED SELF-CARE
And all of these, plus many others, are wonderful acts of self-care to maintain physical and mental wellbeing! But, the effects of those self-care activities didn’t last long in terms of my mental state. If I was lucky, my mind would feel more calm for a couple days, but typically it was only hours before something would happen in life and my mind would have a negative reaction that would send me spiraling down yet again.
My definition of ‘self-care’; was part of the problem!
I mentioned the word ‘support’ above when exploring what ‘care’ means. Providing support to others has come to mean my ability to hold space for someone to find their way through a problem or struggle. Their clarity through exploring their own reactions to discover the real reason behind the reaction, allowed them to easily identify the actions to move through that issue.
INNER STRATEGIES
When I apply this support to my definition of ‘self-care,’ I find I must pause and take time to connect to inner wisdom, gain clarity, and decide consciously on the actions that will help me. This in turn, guides me towards a deeper understanding of mySelf so I can spend my energy towards that understanding, instead of the stories from a reaction that aren’t actually even happening.
The more you understand yourself and your reactions, the easier it is to take the best action in self-care for mental wellbeing.
Over time, this has led to less reactions and feeling stuck, while feeling more content and steady in my mind. Life challenges will happen and I feel capable of meeting them when they happen because I know my mind and myself at a much deeper level.
I have found there are 3 parts to creating a lifestyle that promotes this kind of mental wellbeing.
- A daily, stand alone practice called sadhana.
- Inner awareness practiced throughout the day.
- Support from a like-minded community to ‘stay in the zone.’
All are important on their own, but consciously integrating all of them into your lifestyle creates a powerhouse of energy that addresses a stressed out mind effectively – far more than any typical ‘self-care’ tool or therapy session ever could. And remember, this is coming from someone who’s been a mental health therapist for over 20 years!
When I am sick and injured, I continue to always have access to the ‘self-care’ practices that matter most – inner practices.
LEARN TO ACCESS YOUR INNER RESOURCES
If any of this resonates with you at all and you want to learn more about how to cultivate these three parts into your life for more control over your reactions and increase your peace of mind, I will be opening up registration for my 4-week Learn To Meditate Course soon. It will provide the opportunity to create your own stand alone, inner practice in a like-minded community that you can access far beyond the four weeks of the course.
And, we will start talking about how you can integrate some of those practices into daily life. Yes, meditation is not just a stand alone practice, it is a lifestyle.
There’s no way to expect your mind to stay calm when you continue a lifestyle focused on overdoing, activities that promote stress, and continuing to put others before yourself. Trust me, I’ve tried.
Take some time to reflect and come up with your definition of self-care that promotes not only external activities, but also inner awareness.
And if you want to make sure you don’t miss the details of the upcoming 4-Week Learn To Meditate Course, reply to this email and let me know you’re interested.
Shanti.