I was just asked what my definition of emotional reactions was and I wasn’t totally into my answer. So I took some time to sit with those two words and here’s what I came up with:

Emotions are communications from the body-mind system. A reaction is a quick output of behavior fueled by emotions and beliefs (usually subconscious). Emotional reactions are the combination of initial emotions that occur when the mind-body system encounters a situation that reminds it of the past and the uninhibited action fueled by that initial emotion. 

Emotions are happy, sad, mad, disappointed, concern, gratitude, guilt, excitement, embarrassment – to name a few.

Emotional Reactions are crying, yelling, rolling eyes, mind ruminating, short of breath, tightness in body, gasping, lump in throat – some examples.

2 IMPORTANT PARTS ABOUT EMOTIONAL REACTIONS

There are two important parts to note about an emotional reaction. First, there’s always an INITIAL emotional reaction. Second, the emotion happens BEFORE the behavior.

Since there’s an initial response, it means that it doesn’t last and can (will) change. Since it happens before the behavior, if you can find space between the two, you can create a different behavior. The link between the two is the thought.

One of the most important tools of self-empowerment is being able to create that space and make conscious choices in how to respond, instead of letting the reaction take over.

YOGA PRINCIPLES FOR EMOTIONAL REACTIONS

There are two important principles that come from Traditional Yoga, namely Raja Yoga, that are beautiful guides in helping to create the space needed between emotion and behavior.

The first is Ahmisa, which is translated as ‘non-harm’ or ‘non-violence.’ Another definition that I feel gets even more to the essence of Ahimsa is ‘love in action.’ This principle asks us to be aware and notice when our actions and thoughts may be causing harm to others, the environment, ourselves…really in any part of our lives. From awareness, the next step is action. That intentional action of Ahimsa is to work on cultivating the opposite, i.e. ‘love in action.’ 

The second is Sayta or truthfulness. This is important to pair with Ahimsa because it supports ‘love in action’ not to just be ‘feel-goody’ or dismissive. I think of the words ‘nice’ versus ‘kind’. Nice tends to be a disguise for manipulation or feels disingenuous.  Kind, on the other hand, might not always feel good in the moment, but it builds trust. Like if I have something between my teeth, I think it’s kind to point it out, whereas ‘nice’ might keep someone from being honest for fear of making me embarrassed. ‘Nice’ is trying to control my reaction, where ‘kind’ comes from compassion and understanding.

Satya also asks us to pause and take time to really be honest with how we are communicating and our intentions. When you are busy, jumping from one thing to the next, it’s hard to be ‘in truth’ because it requires turning inward and checking in with yourself. That doesn’t happen without slowing down.

NOTHING TO FIX

Rarely, does anyone address these points when addressing emotional reactions. Usually it’s how to ‘fix’ the reaction and get it to stop as soon as possible so you don’t have to feel uncomfortable any more. And those things, frankly, don’t get lasting relief. In the end, they end up fueling emotions even more.

Emotional reactions are just part of being human – an important part actually.

If there’s something that doesn’t feel quite right to our mind-body system, it’s going to fire up the emotions to alert us. 

So, Instead of trying to fix or escape that communication…

We need to learn how to listen to it.

What keeps you from listening to your emotions so you can understand what they are communicating to you?

Another interesting thing to reflect upon with those obstacles that keep you from listening to your emotions is:

• Are they also keeping you from listening well in other relationships in your life?

Many times, how we show up in our lives can be a reflection of what we do well, and not so well, in the inner relationship with ourselves.

To change our external world, we must address our inner world.

Shanti.

 

 

P.S. Whenever you are ready to make the shift from how you’re doing things now, to a different, more empowering and living way, reach out and let’s see if I can be of support. Like if you’ve tried so much already and still feel stuck or know deep down that the old habits aren’t working anymore. Schedule a Connection Call with me any time!