I have been actively working on trusting myself more deeply for over a decade. Since I was a young child, doubt and second guessing myself was a ‘go-to’ habit. Even though I had unlearned many layers of this habit just through my own personal desire to have a full, adventurous life, there were times my over-thinking mind would just get the best of me. Yoga has given me the building blocks to cultivate a trusting relationship with myself, which has guided me through the anxious mind hijack consistently over the years.

IGNORING THE INNER VOICE

Back in February, I was talking with a colleague and I started to hear myself as we shared. I spoke about a feeling of disconnect with a marketing course I was taking and the purpose of my work through Samya Yoga Healing. I’d been having this feeling for a bit actually. A voice of doubt had been there for a bit and I kept minimizing it. I was not trusting myself and my inner voice. How ironic since this is the very thing I work with women on a daily basis to increase in their lives! 

That’s the thing about doubt – it’s not an inherently ‘bad’ feeling. This is an example where it was coming from a deeper sense of knowing. Not just from a place of fear.

As I started to listen, things began to shift in my life and within a matter of two weeks, it became crystal clear it was time for me to stop and take a break. I needed to reconnect with myself. I needed to take time to be with myself so I could discern what was mine and what was not. Then, I could let go of what was not mine and not working for me. This is the process of Viveka and Vairagya. These are two foundational practices of Yoga for the Mind.

I was calling March my ‘clean up the mess’ month. It took effort and courage to be honest and practical. What did I need to let go that I had worked so hard in the last year to build? As I write this, there’s still an emotional reaction boiling up. The voice inside is kind and loving, telling me I did a good job with it even though it was hard.

RE-GAINING TRUST WITHIN

Giving myself time and space to sift through my thoughts and emotions helped me rebuild trust within my relationship with myself.

Trust is the foundation, the bedrock in any relationship. When it’s been damaged, it takes time to rebuild. That was what my five month hiatus had been for me – time to rebuild trust in myself. ALL layers of myself – physical, mental and emotional, and spiritual. The process continues because, frankly, building trust doesn’t just end and you’re done with it. It keeps growing. But, taking time to be my own coach and counselor, allowed me to get back on track.

I was just watching this video from Brené Brown on trust within. It focused on her acronym ‘BRAVING.’ It’s from her book ‘Braving the Wilderness.’ As I was listening, I started laughing to myself. Her research on ‘belonging’ and ‘trust’ support what Yoga has known for millennia. The process of Raja Yoga in Patanjali Yoga Sutras, aka Yoga for the Mind, gives practical tools to build a relationship of trust with ourselves. This creates a strong sense of self and belonging, which allows a person to build trusting relationships with others.

Here’s the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vphih0pa1A

RAJA YOGA

Practicing Raja Yoga, traditionally, would guide students with active minds to start with the Yamas and Niyamas. These are 10 ethical principles that are guides to cultivating more inner awareness and help to begin to calm the mind. They are lifestyle practices, which means you integrate them into daily life. There’s no need to find more time on a busy day to use them. You just use your current life as the field of practice.

The 5 Yamas are non-harm (Ahimsa), truthfulness (Satya), non-stealing (Asteya), non-excess or continence (Brahmacharya), and non-possessive (Aparigraha).

BUILDING BLOCKS OF TRUST

When it comes to cultivating trust, using the 5 Yamas touch on all of Brené Brown’s ‘BRAVING’ list (boundaries, reliability, accountability, the vault, integrity, non-judgement, and generosity):

AHIMSA: Non-Harm	Boundaries, Integrity, Vault, Non-Judgement, Generosity
SATYA: Truthfulness	Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Integrity, Vault
ASTEYA: Non-Stealing	Boundaries, Integrity, Generosity
BRAHMACHARYA: Non-Excess or Continence	Boundaries, Integrity
APARIGRAHA: Non-Possessive	Boundaries, Integrity, Generosity

 

Let’s take a look at Asteya or non-stealing. What are some of the ways we steal from others, the world, and ourselves?

We steal from others when we are in conversation and we interrupt them because we have something to share. That is stealing someone else’s space and story.

We steal from ourselves when we make a commitment to some time to ourselves and then drop that alone time when someone else asks to meet with us during that committed self-care time.

And, we steal from the world when we stay quiet with a great idea, afraid others are going to think it is stupid or assume it will be shot down. Listening to a story in the mind telling us that we don’t have good ideas compared to others.

By working on boundaries, we can stop ourselves from interrupting, keep commitments to ourselves, and stop listening to the negative self-talk. When boundaries are kept, most women are able to easily stay connected to the values that are important in their life, thus having strong integrity. And finally, when we feel confident in our ability to set and keep boundaries and act with integrity towards what matters most, generosity happens from a genuine, kind place…instead of acting out of obligations.

How does all this resonate with you?

BUILD TRUST WITH YOURSELF

Are you at a place in your life where you’ve had enough with the habit of self-doubt, pleasing others, and feeling like life is just one big obligation, where the joy of living has been lost?

Twice a year, I offer an 8-week, online study of the Yamas and Niyamas. And in every session, participants are floored by the depth and breadth these guiding principles have helped to guide them in living a life more true to themselves. These principles are not to be studied once and then move on to the next thing. The Yamas and Niyamas are meant to be studied over one’s life and lived. Each time they are revisited new insights unfold. In fact, I have a few participants who have taken it three times now!

After watching Brené Brown’s video, if you are desiring to build a stronger inner relationship with yourself, strengthen trust within, and you’re interested in Yoga as a lifestyle practice, this 8-week study might be for you. I’d love to hear from you to discuss if it would be a good fit.

“This class changed my life. It allowed me to see that there is a plan in this life and a template for living. Twyla was always supportive and encouraging, teaching us to question our feelings and what they are trying to tell us about ourselves. This study brought me face to face with the person I want to be in the world and gave me the tools to work on getting there. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.”

A PRACTICAL PRACTICE

I want to leave you with a practice to start doing today around Asteya (non-stealing). This is a practice of self-awareness and boundary setting. 

• Over the next week, every time someone asks you to do something, I want you to pause and then take a nice slow deep breath. Then, say, hmmm. I’m going to need a moment to think about that. I’ll (call/text/email) you in (give a timeline) to let you know my answer after I check my schedule.

Notice the reaction in your body and mind during and after the situation. What happened by taking time to slow down and give yourself time to see what you want to do, instead of diving right into pleasing and helping others.

Shanti.