What is self-love really? I believe there are many layers to it. But in the end, a lasting state of self-love is more of a state of mind or a state of being. We can buy ourselves things or give ourselves self-care treats or take a vacation – which can all be acts of kindness towards ourselves. But then we go back to pushing ourselves, making excuses to why it’s okay to sacrifice ourselves for others over and over, depleting and exhausting ourselves.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.” – Unknown
What I’ve found is that one of the best ‘gifts’ to myself is to take time for me every day, no matter what. My minimum time for this is 30 minutes of meditation. For some, it might be 10 minutes of breathing with awareness. Others, taking 15 minutes to journal. Whatever it is, taking that time to just be present with yourself is where true self-love starts to grow its roots.
CURIOSITY LEADS TO SELF LOVE
With that awareness that’s cultivated, be curious. What do you notice in your body, the emotions that are present, and what thoughts that are zipping through? An attitude of curiosity is the opposite of self-judgement. It opens the door towards acceptance of yourself as you are. Curiosity starts to shift from “I’m not enough” to “I am enough.”
It’s those underlying stories we’ve collected from growing up, from family culture, from school and from the culture at large, that run our reactions without us even being aware of it. Taking time to start to become aware of yourself – the ‘good,’ the ‘bad,’ and the ‘ugly.’ This allows us to start to shift to consciously choose the beliefs and stories we want to live our life by. Consciously choose the stories that uplift us and support us into becoming the amazing being we truly are.
It’s a process and it takes time. I mean, unlearning decades (lifetimes) of conditionings won’t happen overnight. But, I promise you, the more you take consistent time for yourself, to be with yourself, hold space for yourself…you WILL start to notice more peace. There will be less reactions and more responses that you are proud of. You will begin to feel empowered.
START WITH 5 MINUTES
Just start simply if you don’t do this already for yourself. Start with 5 minutes in the morning when you wake up, before you dive into the morning routine, and sit and notice your breath. If your mind wanders often (which is normal), add counting with your breath. Inhale for 4, exhale for 6. Set a timer for 5 minutes and commit to be with your breath for that time.
Maybe, also end the day with another 5 minutes. Again, set the timer. This time, with the rhythm of your breath repeat, “I am enough.” If your mind wanders, all good, just let the thought go and come back to the breath and “I am enough.”
We can all find 5 minutes. You deserve to start finding 5 minutes. There’s nothing else in life that’s more important. There’s no one else in your life that’s more important.
“Self-love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.” – Unknown
Namaste.