Midlife can be a time where it gets harder to do the activities that have helped emotion management. Changes in our bodies, purpose, family roles, and values seem to occupy more of our time, leaving less to take care of ourselves. Thoughts like, “I just have to get through_____. Then I’ll get back to ________ (thing you enjoy),” happen more and more. But you either just don’t get back to that self-care or what once helped no longer seems to work.

I went through the first three and a half decades of my life with a heavy emphasis on moving my body for emotion management. Exercise is an important and wonderful tool to move emotional energy through the body! There’s so much research showing the positive benefits of this external resource as a coping tool. It helps our body and mind. Until your body becomes sick, injured, or bombarded with a chronic issue…

And exercise is not available for a while.

WHEN MY #1 EXTERNAL RESOURCE INACCESIBLE

The first time this happened to me was in my mid-20s when I had a finger injury from rock climbing. I would have never thought an injured finger would have spiraled me down as much as it did. But the depth to which my identity as a climber was tied to feeling good about myself and feeling good enough was something I could no longer escape.

It felt like my world came crashing down and it was hard to see the way forward.

As hard as that time was, it was a catalyst towards changing a belief I had about myself that was creating me harm even though it felt good at the time.

YOGA AND CALMING THE MIND

One well-known Yoga text, Patanjali Yoga Sutras, addresses the vrritis, or mind fluctuations, that must be examined in order to calm and steady the mind. (PYS 1.4) In other words, the mind must be addressed for lasting emotion management. These fluctuations can be hard to identify and understand since the mind is constantly distracted and pulled in many different directions. You may have heard of a ‘monkey mind?’ 

It’s hard to get to know something that’s a moving target.

In another Yogic scripture, the mind is described ‘as difficult to control as the wind.’ (BG 6.34)

But right after this shloka or verse, there is agreement that, yes indeed the mind is difficult to control. AND, that’s still not an excuse because with practice and effort, it can be done. (BG 6.35)

Both of these works were written down thousands of years ago but are surprisingly just as relevant today. The human mind’s patterns haven’t changed much. Emotion management was a struggle in ancient times too!

One of the commentaries on PYS 1.4, addresses the importance of being able to examine our thinking to discern which thoughts are worth listening to and which ones to detach our energy from. That’s exactly the process I went through to realize the innocent thought that “I am a rock climber,” was the culprit for my suffering when I injured my finger.

DISCERNING WHICH THOUGHTS TO LET GO

These 5 words wove an identity around me that got me positive attention, a group of people I could connect with instantly no matter where in the world I went, and a place to put my energy and motivation. Worth, belonging, and purpose. Those are all important. It’s what I’ve helped my clients with for two decades.

BUT…

The cause of these seemingly ‘good’ inner traits did not come from within me. They came from outside of me. These feelings came from people and situations that I had no control over and were bound to change. Like having an injury where I could no longer climb. Quickly, worth, belonging, and purpose went up in smoke.

Just because something ‘feels good’ at the time doesn’t mean it’s the best choice. And vice versa – what feels hard and challenging just might lead to our most amazing breakthroughs. Most of us know this theoretically, but rarely do we put this into practice.

I tell you all of this because even though the external activities we do for a emotion management and mental wellbeing are important…

It’s equally important to cultivate our inner resources.

EXTERNAL RESOURCES AND INNER RESOURCES

What are inner resources?

Think of them as anything you could use if you were stuck in bed, unable to move your body. They require us to pause and turn our attention inward, towards ourselves. Here are some examples:

• Self-awareness
• Breath
• Body sensations
• Thoughts
• Beliefs
• Emotions
• Reflection
• Meaning
• Discernment

They are actually pretty simple and highly accessible, yet hard to do when we’ve been programmed to look for the quickest way to ‘feel good’ to escape feeling ‘bad.’ Instead, choose to watch TV, have a glass of wine, and scroll through social media on any given day. 

We do this despite KNOWING that when we just sit and observe nature out the window or take 5 minutes just to focus on our breath – it grounds and calms us much better than whatever we use to numb out. 

I know! It’s hard to change that habit.

But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep practicing. 

Luckily, the world will give us situations to remind us why it’s important to use inner resources for emotion management. The truth of the matter is – the body will get injured, have illness, age, and wear out. This isn’t morbid or negative, it’s a simple fact.

INNER RESOURCES – TAPAS, REFLECTION, AND ACTION

This is another Yoga principle – Tapas, which means to burn or heat. Tapas is the practice of leaning into the hard parts of life, the resistance. Showing up and doing the practices that burn away limiting patterns so the treasure of who we truly are shines brighter. 

Here are some reflection questions, to practice an inner resource, step into tapas, and stand more in your own clarity:

If you were to rate yourself from 1-10, how would you rate yourself right now on your knowledge and use of inner resources? (With 1 being “not at all” and 10 being “I have a daily routine that includes practice with 1-3 inner resources”)

What do you do well in regards to your skill in using inner resources?

What is one inner resource you want to strengthen?

If you’ve reached a point where you can’t keep living the way you have been going forward, what is one action you will start taking ASAP to do it differently? Keep it simple! I’ve linked some of those inner resources to other blog posts to give you some ideas.

Again, I’m not saying ‘either or’ with your coping tools…

I’m saying ‘AND.’

External resources help live a healthy and joyful life! Inner resources help to cultivate the clarity, peace, and contentment to face anything life brings us. Both are important.

I didn’t stop rock climbing after that injury. But I stopped introducing myself as “Hi! I’m Twyla and I’m a climber.” 

Instead, I focus on my love of nature and being out in it to connect me to my body, mind, and spirit. It wasn’t rock climbing that was important…it was spending time with myself.

Shanti

P.S. Reach out and let’s chat! I’d enjoy hearing what you discover in your reflections or if you need help in reflecting. Schedule a Connection Call with me here. Let’s help you implement a plan to move forward and cultivate your inner resources..