When I was in India this past December, rushing up some stairs, I tripped and fell with my shoulder and head slamming into the stairs.  Ooooo, did I hit hard! I was amazed there was no blood or cuts.  I sat there for a bit with ice on my head and I remember laughing to myself, “Okay, I get it…slow down.” It felt like one of those scenes in a movie where someone sticks out their foot to trip the main character. Only the ‘foot’ was a greater force trying to get my attention…and it did. It’s time to stop and face my fears through Yoga.

Since that fall, it’s been amazing to watch what has happened in my life and as I get more curious about my reactions.

If you’ve been reading my blogs, you know how important I believe it is to get curious about our reactions to situations. I have come to believe things happen for us, not to us.  I have found that traditional Yoga has helped me face fears and difficult emotions far more effectively than any other modality. Curiosity is a key component of Yoga.

CAUSE AND EFFECT

In my self-observations, my body just wouldn’t let me move on. My body is communicating, I’m done living this way, let’s really do it differently. Over the course of two months, I learned that my shoulder most likely sustained a hairline fracture and an ongoing ache was from a little tear in my biceps tendon. My left jaw all the sudden was tighter than I had ever experienced as my jaw was clenching all the time – even waking me up at times. 

The imbalances in my body seem to be mimicking the struggle in my emotions and beliefs – old ones clinging on as new ones gaining energy to grow.

As I observed myself and spoke about it to a few trusted people, I began to see a bigger picture. There are underlying fears that are rearing their heads. This momentum has been building for over a year and has roots in much earlier life experiences.

ASTEYA – NON-STEALING

One of the Yamas, ethical principles from Raja Yoga, is Asteya, which is often translated as ‘non-stealing.’ This principle can be used as a daily lifestyle practice in calming the mind. When we steal – from others, ourselves, the earth, situations – it creates stress in our mind and body. 

I was observing how a belief around the need for financial independence as a woman had turned toxic and stressful. That belief was solidified from watching my mother’s suffering during my parent’s divorce. That belief, though helpful in many ways in my life, was causing me to make decisions based on fear – fearing the pain of loss, hurt, and being alone. This fear-based belief has been keeping me from being present and loving in a number of my important relationships.

I was stealing from others and myself.

AWARENESS LEADS TO CLARITY

When a belief comes out of fear, it only creates more fear. When a belief comes out of love, it creates more love.

Professionally, I see my role as a Yoga Counselor and Coach to support women in their journey of Self-love. One value of mine is to do my personal work, since it exponentially helps me in my professional role. 

Currently, all signs are pointing for me to take some time for myself and face some of these deeper fears that are keeping me from fully loving myself. I want to fully love myself so the energy I hold space for others continues to be from that place of love.

As I’ve been taking time to be with my reactions of fear, like cleaning a dirty window, all the sudden it became clear what I needed to do. 

A FEAR-BASED MODERN WORLD

All of us in modern day western culture have been taught from a young age how to work for a reward – a grade, a paycheck – and success is linked to productivity and money.  And if you don’t get the reward, you are ‘bad,’ ‘not enough,’ and ‘unsuccessful.’ It’s no wonder that most of us feel these things deep down.

And it’s not anyone’s fault this is where we are culturally. We are a product of our relationship to ourselves. We evolved from living in the wild, with most of our energy going to survival. Then agriculture allowed humans to stay put and have more secure housing and food. Free time allowed more creativity and more ingenuity in how to make life easier.

But, all of this evolution came from fear-based thinking. How to escape the pain of ‘hard’ and find pleasure in ‘easy.’ But that’s not what’s happened. I know for myself, the more I have doesn’t create feeling secure, trusting, and loving. It keeps breeding more worrying and anxiety in my mind and body.

THE EXPERIMENT

I love connecting with people on a real level. There’s nothing that brings me more joy than watching a connection I have with someone be a space for personal growth and discovery. 

But then reality hits and I am reminded that I have to make money while I’m doing this, which creates stress in my body in the form of anxiety, trying to be ‘good enough,’ and be successful. Because when you are successful, i.e. have financial security, then you can relax, right? 

The only times I have felt ‘successful’ are when I let go of notions around finances and just enjoy doing what I love to do.

The question that has come up for me is: “Is it truly possible to fully show up in life from a place of love, do what I do best and let go of the beliefs of security and success that are so linked to the material world? I have no idea but from what I’ve been studying on the path of Yoga, ‘the Magic 8-ball’ says, “Yes.”

Since I’ve accepted everything is in place in my life to explore this question, I decided, “I’m in.”  

FACE FEARS THROUGH YOGA

Over the next 5 months, I am going to dive into myself and work on refining the current fear-based beliefs that have been operating my world. To do this, I’m letting go of giving to others professionally and giving that energy to myself. I am receiving the gift of my present situation, and a fully supportive partner, to see what unfolds.

What happens when I do my life’s work from a more loving and secure place focused on who I am instead of what I have?

I look forward to sharing about my journey in the future!

Namaste.