“I don’t know what else to do! What’s wrong with me?!” These are the words of a mind that feels stuck. I’ve definitely felt stuck even though my body was still able to move around. Feeling stuck is typically our mind unable to see options. When the mind can’t see an option, it interprets this as our whole mind-body system being trapped and in a life or death situation.  At its worst, when I felt stuck, my body was paralyzed with fear. Sometimes I even knew what I had to do, but I could not make my body take the actions necessary to move forward.

MY MIND FEELING STUCK

At the top of a climbing route, I came to a section of rock called friction slab. Instead of having cracks, ledges or nubbins to see and use for my hands and feet, slab climbing uses the ball of your foot and your weight on texturized rock to step up. It involves a lot of trust! It wasn’t the style of climbing I was comfortable with and at that moment I was way above the last piece of gear I had placed. Fear of falling and hitting the ground took over my entire body.

 

I spent a lot of energy staying where I was at, clinging to the rock, and freaking out in my mind about the negative possibilities. As soon as my friend lowered a rope from above for me to grab, I easily scrambled up the last 15 feet. The moment I felt ‘safe,’ the climbing went from the most impossible task I could imagine to a walk in the park.

‘Stuck’ in this situation was 80% mental.

Another time, I was sobbing from grief in the middle of the night in my college dorm room. I had learned earlier in the day that my parents were getting a divorce and it was at huge shock. Through the sobbing, there was a small voice in my head telling me to get up, knock on my best friend’s door right next to mine, and get support.  My mind proceeded to have an argument with myself about being a burden and that things weren’t that bad.

I was stuck in a story that was keeping me from getting my needs met. I can’t remember what thought finally made my body start moving, but I do remember collapsing into my groggy friend’s arms who was loving and supportive.

STORIES OF THE MIND 

The stories our mind creates around situations create the feeling that “I am stuck.” In both of these examples I wasn’t stuck, I just didn’t see options or accept the options that I had.

Always being curious about definitions, I looked up the meaning of ‘stuck.’ Cambridge Dictionary defines stuck as “unable to move, or set in a particular position, place, or way of thinking.” In both of these situations, being unable to move was directly created by my way of thinking. This is what I find true for most of the women I work with as well.

Though we might FEEL stuck, usually our bodies are able to move just fine, it’s the thinking that’s creating the paralysis. The way out is finding a different view or perspective. But this can be really hard to do when the mind is paralyzed.

THE BODY’S NATURAL REACTION TO FEELING STUCK

This state of paralysis comes from activation within the autonomic nervous system, which happens without us even knowing it. It’s ‘automatic.’ The interpretation that leads to feeling frozen is that there’s a life or death situation happening. Maybe fighting or fleeing has been tried and didn’t work…or maybe it’s not available, so freezing or folding is the last viable option for survival. It can feel terrifying or the body can go completely numb. It definitely feels powerless.

In order to move from that state, the nervous system needs a jolt of energy to go into fight or flight. After expelling that energy, the body can then relax and find calm again. This is all a normal part of our human body’s defense system. There’s nothing wrong with you!

What are some common signs that a woman is ‘stuck’ in feeling stuck?

• Low energy and easily depleted
• Sleeping too much or not enough
• Withdrawing from enjoyable activities and social situations
• Negative thoughts towards herself and the world
• After doing the bare essentials to function, ending back in bed or on the couch with the covers pulled up

Depressed is a common word to describe this. But owning this as ‘who I am’ doesn’t help. You might FEEL depressed but you are not the embodiment of depression. What I mean by this is you wouldn’t show up at a party and say, “Hi, Jane, I’m Depressed, nice to meet you,’ right? This is why I have mixed emotions about diagnosing and labeling. 

WHAT IS YOUR BODY ACTUALLY COMMUNICATING?

The nervous system is in a state of depressed activation to cope with feeling out of options for survival. It’s not an easy place to move from AND finding a ‘safety line’ like I did when I was frozen on the rock, completely changed my perception of the situation.  For most women, addressing the ‘stuckness’ of the nervous system is enough to change everything.

A common mood pattern that leads to feeling stuck is the pattern of upward energy from excessive worrying that leads to crashing down into feeling stuck. It’s just the body trying to do what it knows how to find balance. It’s not sustainable to stay hyper-aroused with worry and fear. The body has to come down and to rest and recuperate, so it over compensates for the over-reaction, which feels like depression.

Absolutely none of our bodies were designed to run at full speed day after day, month after month without time to rest and recharge. There’s nothing in nature that is able to do that! There’s nothing that humans have created that is able to do that! So why do we expect that of ourselves?

FIND MOVEMENT FORWARD

Let’s get practical. What needs to happen to move from ‘stuckness?’

1. Find a sense of safety
2. Notice options
3. Take an action 

Feeling stuck is actually an opportunity to listen to yourself and do things differently. It’s an opportunity to grow and expand, to connect more with who you are at your essence. Trying to uphold a story instead of just meeting reality is really exhausting. 

If you can relate to being stuck over and over and you’re tired of getting to this place, reflect on:

• What do you keep doing that’s not working? 
• What has that soft voice inside you been telling you to do that you keep making excuses why not to do it? 
• What is the different action that you need to take? 

And tell the thought that says, ‘it’s too hard…’

‘Yep, it is hard. And staying here is hard too.’ 

You have to decide if you want to stick with the hard you know and stay stuck there, or the hard that has the potential to move you forward and change everything. Not making a choice is also a choice.

REMINDERS WHEN YOU FEEL STUCK

I’ll leave you with 3 reminders:

1. You have feelings, but you are not your feelings.
2. Change is inevitable, so why not create the change YOU want.
3. You aren’t actually stuck if you can breathe.

Choose yourSelf.

Namaste.

 

P.S. I don’t want anyone to stay in that state of ‘stuckness.’ I’ve been there and I know it sucks. But unfortunately, I can’t change things or support anyone who isn’t ready or doesn’t reach out. 

So, if you are READY to do something different, reach out! There are two ways of doing this:

1. If you want to know more about what I do, watch the free masterclass: The Find Calm Formula™. If it resonates, book a free 60 minute Clarity Call with me.

2. Or, if you’ve been following me for a while and know ‘doing something different’ is working with me, book the Clarity Call.